Floaters

 Today on my morning walk, I looked out across the field surrounding the walking track and was annoyed that the beauty of the morning was interrupted by visual floaters.  Those blotty spots that look like a gnat is in your eye that float around and obscure your view.

I had just started my prayers and was on the hallowing of God's name when my ADD kicked in because of the visual interruption.  As I kicked back into spiritual mode, I bagan praising God for His greatness even when I couldn't see it.

I got a little tickled as I realized the circumstances going on in my life causing me to wane in my faith and blur my true vision of His greatness were like my floaters.  The floaters are real and my murky vision is real, but the truth of the greatness of God is a constant reality whether I clearly see it or not.  

To live in a world with a different system constantly presenting distorted values,  principles and philosophies can blur my  view of truth making it tough to walk in pure faith.    Truth gets blurry like my floater- tainted vision.  It can be reduced to sound bytes and quippy memes.  A greater perspective is lost.

Clear spiritual vision, pure faith and steady following come from a deeper delving into the reality found in God's Word.  Vision is corrected and distortion is refined when we look at greater truth.

Treasure

This morning as I sat down to read my Bible, a little scrap of paper fell out with a few notes I had scribbled related to the topic of the blessings that can be "mined" from the darkness of tribulations in life.  I have recently been in contact with several friends who are going through pressing times in their life and feeling the strain physically, emotionally and spiritually; hence, this blog is particularly for those in the winepress where life is bearing down hard and emotional stamina is waning.

The first "treasure"  listed on my scrappy piece of paper was refined faith.  How I wish there were an inoculation that could be given to those who are being tried by fire to boost their faith, but God's design is that we walk through it allowing the fire to remove the dross by stripping away self sufficiency, greed and unbelief.  God's discipline is never pleasant at the time, but after a while the treasure comes shining forth as pure gold.  What pleases God more than anything else is faith and there is nothing more disdaining to Him than unbelief.  When we display faith in times of trouble, our lives demonstrate the greatest expression of His power working through us to accomplish His will--to make us people of faith.  We shine greater and our witness is never more powerful than when we are in the fire.

Second on my list of "treasures" was humility which leads to submission.  When the building blocks of my self esteem are ripped out from under me and I find myself faltering in my identity, this is the perfect time for me to surrender my self completely to God and wrap my identity around who I am in Christ rather than the things the world says I need to be in order to prop myself up in some way so that I can feel secure.  Humility is built on grace not performance and in times when I stop performing, whether by choice or circumstance, I can learn to walk in grace.

Appreciation for God's Word is another treasure that evolves as I walk through dark times.  The Word of God is living and active and able to supernaturally heal my soul.  Psalm 119 speaks of a gamut of emotions and circumstances where the Word of God brings blessing and hope to the psalmist.  We have become a society that seeks counsel and refuge from human source and that can be beneficial, but the Word of God is supernatural and able to do so much more than the wisdom of man.  Psalm 25 says that the Lord will reveal His secrets to those who respect Him and seek Him through His Word.  When we turn to God's Word and seek answers from Him, He will give us fresh revelations of Himself through His Word that will strengthen us through difficulty and help us say like Habukkuk that the Lord is my strength--he makes my feet like the feet of a deer that walks in high places and does not stumble. (Habakkuk 3:18 & 19).

Refined faith, humility and a deeper appreciation and love for God's Word are three of the twelve treasures written on my little sheet of paper.  I will share more in days to come, but I hope that these three nuggets will remind you that these trials and temporary afflictions are working something so beautiful and great that it will be worth it...hold on to faith and don't lose sight of the prize.

Condemnation

Today as I was on a morning walk, I was rejoicing and offering up gratitude to God and I expressed to Him that I would be "glad" and rejoice in the day that He had made.  It occurred to me that on my walk just two days prior, I had been in a completely different state of mind--my expressions were a far cry from being glad.

My thoughts on my walk two days ago, were centered on a negative encounter I had that morning which caused every other negative encounter that I had experienced in the past two years to surface and being glad wasn't a possibility. My thoughts were full of self-condemning thoughts and every fault I had became enormously exaggerated.  I was wearing sunglasses though it was cloudy to hide the tears that were running down my face and I offered up expressions of shame and remorse to God, reverently questioning how He was involving Himself in my situation. 

This morning, I as I reflected on the idea of being glad, I was struck with how volatile my conversations were with God.  I want to stand in awe of Him and let my words be few, but sometimes I jabber on with nonsense, wallow in self-pity and condemnation and squelch His love and grace.  I thought of David and how blessed I am when I read the Psalms and yet juxtapose to those amazing chapters of reflections of praise, are the ones of condemnation and self pity.

God is a big God.  He adores my expressions of love and gratitude and when I offer up to Him my sacrifices of praise, but He is also big enough to handle my questions that I reverently pose to Him as I muddle through the mire of life.  I can rest in His unfailing mercies and love--they are new every morning and His "steadfast" love never ceases.

God, I thank you that You love it when I am glad and yet you love me when I am struggling with condemnation.  I am grateful that through the power of Your Holy Spirit, You bring me through the  times when my accuser attempts to condemn and oppress me, through the times when I am filled with doubt regarding my worth to a new place of victory with a fresh revelation of You and Your great love for me!  I am amazed by You.. 

Grace Culture

One of the nicest compliments that anyone ever paid me was to say that I was like Lucinda, a character in the book “You Are Special” by Max Lucado.  Jesus and I both know that I am not truly completely like Lucinda…I try, but I am more of a multiple personality that toggles back and forth from being grace-driven, Lucinda and works-driven, Annette.   In my fading moments, when I am defaulting to my old self, my husband will say, “Come on, Lucinda”.

Lucinda is the character that introduces Punchinello, a Wemmick who lives in a village that thrives on giving out gray dots and stars to its people, to Eli, the Woodcarver, who created the Wimmicks.  Lucinda is free from the Wemmick’s system, because she doesn’t allow the gray dots or stars to stick to her and as the story progresses and Punchinello gets to know Eli, the gray dots begin to fall off of him as well.

How I long to live free from a Wemmickity culture…to be part of a culture that is free from honor competition and resilient to shame.  I believe this is the abundant life that Jesus has promised to us.  This is the glorious freedom to which Christ has called us.  This is the path of true grace….the path that the world longs for.

We cannot bring the world to experience this glorious freedom, when we as Christians are still caught up in a worldly identity crisis where we are using stars and gray dots to define ourselves and others instead of allowing God to tell us who we are and allow Him alone to reveal to us the mystery of Himself and His divine plan.  We are His workmanship…created for good works which He, Himself, prepares in advance for us to do.  It is His plan, His gifting, His power and to pride ourselves in the stars is to deprive Him of the glory. 

It is not our calling to help people escape the culture of the world only to bring them into a culture that is still placing the attention on human performance rather than the unsurpassable greatness of God.  It is by grace that we are saved…not by works so that none of us can boast. 

On the other hand, when we focus on the gray dots…our failures and the areas where we fall short, we are still placing our focus on ourselves instead of who we are in Christ and this is just as much a form of pride as boasting in our accomplishments.  We shouldn’t deny the power of the risen Christ that is in us to deliver us from the power of shame and equip us to walk in victory.  This too is depriving God of the glory of His precious gift of redemption.

God, thank you that You have called us to walk in freedom, deliver us from the bondage of pride that manifests itself in both the desiring of accomplishments and in the fearing of the lack of accomplishments.  Lead us in Your victory parade so we can show the world the joyous culture of grace.

 

Ephesians 4:4-10--But because of His great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we dead in transgressions--it is by grace you have been saved.  And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with Him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages He might show the incomparable riches of His grace, expressed in His kindness to us in Christ Jesus.  For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith--and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God--not by works, so that no one can boast.  For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

 

 

 

 

Healthy Choice

There has been a lot of attention focused on the importance of healthy eating and physical exercise which is being promoted through the media and various promotions in our schools and workplaces.  Efforts are being made to teach us to read labels and be aware of what is in our food to protect our bodies from food tainted with questionable manufactured chemicals that hold the potential to be destructive.  We are being encouraged to be more active…to wear mechanical devices to record our steps to ensure that we are getting enough exercise and to drink pure water and stay away from drinks that are loaded with high fructose corn syrup and phosphoric acid.  People are awakening to the joy of experiencing more vitality and stamina as they embrace the suggestions being offered by health advisors.

As a Christian, I believe that I not only have a physical body, but also a spiritual body.  The spirit man needs as much attention as the physical.  I need to be thinking deeper about the things of the world that hold the potential to taint my conscious to believe that wrong is okay.  The Spirit of God is more than willing to prick my conscious, if I will spend quiet time and reflection in seeking the truth about what the world is attempting to package to me as being okay.

There are a lot of substitute reading materials that are more appealing than picking up the pure, organic Word of God, but none will provide the sustenance and strength as the Bread of Life.  The Word of God is powerful and effective to judge the attitudes of our heart and it is living and active to nourish and bring fresh revelation of our living God.  Our spirit man needs the unprocessed sustenance from a healthy and reliable source on a regular basis.  Digging deep into the Word of God will cultivate healthy fruit in our lives full of nutrients to nourish and foster others as well.

Just as our bodies need the pure, cleansing and revitalizing effect of water, we also need the living water of the Holy Spirit to flow into our system and purge us of the impurities that cling to our spiritual cells and weaken our immune system.   Scripture uses the analogy of thirst to help us understand the longing that should be present in us when we are spiritually healthy.  Hunger and thirst is a sign that we are spiritually alive.  When we stop experiencing these longings, something is unhealthy. 

I have read from several sources that when you physically drink a lot of water, your thirst increases and when you don’t drink, the craving subsides.  Just as our physical man’s cravings are determined by what they are fed, when we come to God and receive nourishment from His Word and are refreshed by the Holy Spirit, our souls will crave the pure, sincere and unadulterated nutrition that time in His presence provides.

God, as we learn to make healthy changes to strengthen our physical body,  help us also desire a strong, healthy soul that delights and finds joy in the healthy practices of feasting upon your living word and drinking from the springs of life that satisfy our longings.  May You increase our cravings…give us an addiction to living in your Word and presence and strengthen our faith.

 

1 Timothy 4:8--For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come.

Intentional Growth

It is the time of year when Walmart is putting out their gardening supplies and people will begin spring planting.  My mom and dad are 91 years old and dad is making plans to put out some lettuce and radish seeds for his early planting.  I gave up gardening because it requires tender nurturing and consistent attention and my life is already full of living things that require my diligent care.  The idea of neglecting living things whether plants, pets or people is more than I can bear, so I just don’t plant.  When I feel the urge to be in the dirt, I just help mom and dad with their garden.

The Bible uses living things such as wheat, vines, trees, a mustard seed and other seeds, to give us mental pictures of spiritual development.  Psalm 1 suggests that the man who delights in the Word of God will be like a tree that flourishes.  Jesus made reference to a kernel of wheat that has to die in order to produce more fruit and He also described the picture of a vine and the necessity of abiding in the vine to produce fruit.   

To grow spiritually, the Bible shows us that there has to be intentional effort.  When we seek…we find, when we knock… the door is opened, when we ask according to the will of God…we receive.  When we die to ourselves to further God’s kingdom, we create the potential for new growth.  Just as there is no botanical growth without environmental aid, there is no spiritual growth without the aid of the Holy Spirit bringing fresh revelation from God’s Word, surrounding us with the presence of God and drawing us close to Him, and helping us break out of our shells and spread the message of Christ.  He is a powerful germinator who helps us bring forth good fruit.

I fear that we have become more intentional about organic garden produce and our knock-out roses than we have about an organic, knock-out relationship with Christ.  I am wondering how much time we spend fertilizing, watering, pruning and weeding our botanicals compared to time we spend in quiet contemplation of God…of His awesome character and deeds and in His living and active Word.  For a living relationship with God to grow, develop and produce fruit, it will require diligence on our behalf.  Just as with gardening, a fruitful field doesn’t just happen; it is the result of a faithful, steadfast laborer in the field.

Lord, help us to be faithful laborers in the harvest fields that you have placed us, seeking you above worldly hobbies and desires.  You are our breath and life.  Spur us on to produce a harvest of righteousness and grow our souls.

The Garden

Tonight at my church’s Wednesday evening service, we began a series to prepare our hearts during this time before Easter by looking at the Stations of the Cross.  The first station was “The Garden” and we looked at the passage in Matthew Chapter 26 where Jesus prayed in anguish for strength to follow God’s will which Jesus knew involved the great distress of the cross.

When we read the passage a couple of things stood out to me.  The first revelation that I had was that Jesus was a great servant leader and He had shown Himself to be powerful and trustworthy to His followers, yet in His crucial hour where He specifically asked them to do something to support Him, vulnerably expressing to them His feelings of being overwhelmed and filled with sorrow, they could not follow Him and pray as He specifically requested.  The request came from the vocal chords of the Son of God and rested upon their human ears.  There was no confusion regarding His will, yet He was ignored.

As a frustrated leader, I was encouraged to know that Jesus, the greatest spiritual model and leader of all time, was ignored by His followers.  They failed to provide support to Him in His hour of need and yet Jesus rose and followed the will of God, relying upon the strength He received from God.  Jesus fully submitted Himself with abandon to do the will of God despite His circumstances and disappointments.  Not only did Jesus not receive the prayer support from His followers, but after praying, He had to face His betrayer and endure Judas’ kiss. 

My second thought was in regarding to the failure of the disciples to discern the grievousness of the time.  They missed the importance of the hour and in their human weakness fell asleep…not once, but twice.  They missed the opportunity to pray for strength for the Savior of their souls and to receive strength in the time of their greatest temptation.  They missed the opportunity to encourage Jesus in the time of His great sorrow….that is a great loss.

I am amazed at the love and graciousness of Jesus that He would return to this ragtag group of followers after His resurrection.  I would be looking for a new group.  The more I follow Christ, the more aware I am that I fall short of His glory in the way I love others.  I pray that I would be more discerning when it comes to being aware of the times and sacred opportunities and that I would be more gracious to the shortcomings of other followers.

 

Genetic Modification

 

Today is the first day of Lent, a sacred time of drawing close to God, reflecting on Christ’s suffering, sacrifice and death on the cross and culminating with a celebration of Christ’s resurrection.  Many people will be giving up indulgences as an act of self-denial attempting to tame the rebel will as part of their sacred journey.   It’s a time where we practice dying and this is good.

In John 12:23-27, Jesus begins to prepare His disciples for what is going to lie ahead.  He tells them that it is time for Him to be glorified.  He describes the glorification process as one that is like a kernel of wheat that has to die in order to produce a great yield.  Despite the severity of the situation, Jesus knows that death is essential for glorification.

We don’t like to think about death, it is not a rapturous topic of conversation, but as Christians, unless we think about death, not just in the physical sense, but in the spiritual sense, as well; we cannot produce fruit.  Jesus teaches that unless a kernel of wheat falls in the ground “and dies”; it remains only a single seed.  We would rather be more like a genetically modified kernel of wheat that is taken into a laboratory and pampered to produce a higher yield than to fall into the darkness of the ground and have to die.  The laboratory does indeed produce great quantity, but death produces something organic—something real, not artificial.

When I live my life with little regard to myself…hating my life, so to speak, valuing eternal/heavenly interests above those of my own little world and place little importance on the things the world values, then I have begun the art of dying.  I have begun the act of following Christ who chose death despite his troubled heart.

There will be times when doing the right thing, the thing that requires my own personal sacrifice, may be troubling; but in these times, I am identifying with Christ.  I am taking up my cross and following  after Him and in all this dying, there is the hope of glorification.  We bring glory to God—you can’t manufacture that in the safety of a laboratory.

Lord, when our hearts are troubled, when we struggle to "hate" our lives and cling to the things the world loves....comfort and safety, remind us that You also were troubled and bringing glory to God by dying to ourselves is of great eternal value.

 

 

Resistance

Yesterday I was in a conversation and sensed that there were words of wisdom concerning a certain fear that if I could impart truths that I had learned from personal experience as I had I grappled with my own bondage to this type of fear and had struggled to reach a place of freedom from it clutches, I would be able to help this person find release; but I knew in my heart that if I shared, I would be met with resistance, so I refrained from sharing. 

Today I began reading in my Lenten book that I picked up yesterday at church.  I read the first devotion--my Ash Wednesday meditation.  I know that it is not yet Ash Wednesday, even though I am Pentecostal, I know that Ash Wednesday is on Wednesday—not Monday, but I am snowed in and hungry for a good meditation. The Lenten book is by Henri J.M. Nouwen, and is entitled, God’s Abiding Love.  The first line said, “In prayer we seek God’s voice and allow God’s word to penetrate our fear and resistance so that we can begin to hear what God wants us to know”. 

You see when we fail to deal with our fears and resist what God wants us to see and learn from the truth that He is revealing to us, we will be unable to hear what He wants us to know.  God will not share truth with us when He knows we are going to resist it.  He does not throw His pearls before us if it will only cause us to choke.  I am hungry for the pearls of truth and fresh revelations that God wants to share with me, so my intimacy with Him will be greater, so I am motivated to deal with my fears and stubborn resistance in order to partake in deeper fellowship with Him. 

If I can understand that by His grace and love, I can look into the scary mirror of my soul and see that my imperfections are covered by the blood of Jesus, then acknowledging my flaws doesn’t have to create insecurity, even when I am confronted with them in a way that makes me uncomfortable and I can begin to grow in faith.  His “grace my fears relieve”.   

I don’t want God to withhold special revelations of Himself to me because He will be met with resistance—Lord, humble me, help me submit to You as my loving and gracious Lord, fully trusting in You to order the affairs of my life.  May I love You more than anything and trust You with everything.

 

 

 

Goals!!!!, Goals ?!?!, Goals ????

A couple of years ago, I was asked to talk about “Goal Setting” for a January women’s brunch, but, I shied away from accepting the speaking engagement because I have never really embraced the idea of setting  resolutions for the new year.  If I set a resolution and accomplish said resolution or goal, I feel pretty cocky about my achievement and proud of my ability to exert self discipline; but if I set the resolution and fail to follow through, I feel defeated.  The practice has, in my personal life, either led to pride or defeat; so therefore, I have just refrained from participation in the yearly tradition.

But suppose I made sure that the motivation behind the goals that I set are of benefit to the kingdom not just my own personal growth and development.  Suppose I made resolutions for change that were in line with God’s plan for transformation into the image of Christ.  Philippians 3:13 & 14 says that we are to forget what is behind and press toward the goal, the goal is not an earthly goal, it is a heavenly goal.  If my goals and resolutions were set on heavenly purposes, I would not be so inclined to teeter totter between arrogance and shame.  When my goals take on a different perspective, when they are in line with God’s providence, I can be sure that as I pray and ask for divine help to attain my goals, God will come to my aid since the requests are focused on His kingdom not my own personal glorification; and His kingdom going forth is certainly in line with His plan.

I don’t think God is much interested in helping me reach a goal that is going to draw me away from humility or cause me to become self-sufficient, but He is more than happy to help me with my areas of fear and insecurity and to build in me an increased level of faith.  He is also more than willing to assist me as I endeavor to think of others more than myself and to help me learn to deny myself and live more kindly and compassionately.  I guess that if my value system is sound, goal setting can be a really good thing.  If the focus of my resolutions is eternal rather than earthly, I can certainly count on some divine intervention to help me attain them and then the glory will not be centered on me.

 

Another benefit I see in setting goals/resolutions is that it makes us uncomfortable.  We have to give up something for the promise of something greater.  We give up eating special treats we love for the hope of reducing our dress size…we exercise and sweat, we become uncomfortable for the hope of becoming stronger and having more energy.  We stop spending money for the hope of paying off debt and having financial security or having the money for a trip to Hawaii.  This is really close to the kingdom rule…sacrifice comfort here for the sake of an eternal reward.  Denying self is not something that just happens to us, it is a decision to be uncomfortable for the sake of a greater cause; so a little practice in self discipline can certainly assist us in our endeavor to not live by the flesh.

 

I grew up as an only child, so I blame my non-competitive nature on the fact that I never had to deal with sibling rivalry.  I was a miracle baby born later in life to my mom and dad and I never had to do anything to impress them or try to win their approval—I was approved maybe a little too approved.  This was wonderful in many ways, but it also caused me to lack that edge to “strive” in areas of academics, sports or music.  I did well academically and made sure that I maintained what my mom expected from me, but I never pushed beyond that level.  I did not do well at sports…you have to have a bit of aggression to be good at sports and I didn’t want to step on anybody’s toes or get in their way.  You have to put manners aside and that didn’t work for me.  I loved music, but hated performing.   I never learned the skill of “pressing”.  Maybe that is why goal setting is a stumbling block for me.

 

At Thanksgiving, my husband (a firstborn child), daughter (a firstborn child) and her husband (a firstborn child) and I were all playing a card game.  My daughter transparently talked about how she hated to lose to her husband to which I commented, “Don’t you ever want to lose to give the other person a win?”  I was met with blank stares from around the table.  I felt like an alien.

 

I have gone through life happy and content without engaging in competition, enjoying seeing others win and celebrating other’s accomplishment of goals, but I don’t want to do that with my Christian life.  I want to run the race for the prize but I have come to realize that to run in this way will involve a little pressing and striving and that will include setting some clearly-defined goals that are fueled with correct motives and Godly values.

 

I recently watched the movie “Iron Will” about a teenage boy running a highly competitive dog race for the prize money to help his mom pay their debts after his father died suddenly.  Will, the teenager boy, had to be assertive in his training and during the race he faced ridicule, opposition from the other competitors, hunger, physical pain, he pushed himself to and past the point of exhaustion, he was forced to face and overcome fears, but he ran for the prize knowing his father would have been proud.

I want to run my Christian race like Will.  I want to run for the heavenly prize the way he ran for the goal, but I guess I need a goal first…..Goals????, Goals ?!?!, Goals!!!! 

God's Favorites

It is that festive time of year to begin the joyful (sigh) process of “hanging the greens”.  This, of course, means that for me to begin the process, I am going to have to face “the closet”.  The closet that houses my pathetic overflow of clothes that won’t fit in the closet in my own bedroom, but now also consume the closet that was my daughter’s before she married.  The closet that convicts me that I might have a problem with hoarding.  The closet that dashes any pride I have in being an organized person.  The sad thing is that “the closet” is not the only place that I have to rummage through to get to my Christmas decorations—there is also the basement and garage.  Even the Christmas music doesn’t set me in the mood for this task.

Facing “the closet” is not the only reason that I stall from the whole decorating thing.  There is the emotional effort it takes to reconcile Christmas, the American way, with the simplicity of God’s design in Christ’s birth.  How does my celebration of the birth of God’s son fit into His design?

He chose a manger and entrusted the care of His son to a poor couple who could not even afford a lamb, but had to bring a pair of doves or two young pigeons as their offering when they brought Jesus to be consecrated, a symbol of their poverty (Luke 2:24).  The Lamb of God did not have a lamb to present at his dedication.  I can only imagine that this particular act of presenting Jesus to the Lord was probably a milestone for the baby book at that time and even God’s own son did not have parents with status to provide a lamb at His consecration.

God chose such simple and humble beginnings for the early childhood years of His son and an even more humble lifestyle of homelessness for Jesus’ adult years.  He chose to weave His DNA in such a way that Jesus did not have physical attractiveness (Isaiah 53:2) and allowed Him to live a life of oppression, sorrow and suffering during His time in our world and Jesus willingly surrendered to His father’s plan.

There is so much about God’s character and His will revealed in the Christmas story.  The Word truly becomes flesh and displays to us His ways and this commands us to worship.  We must consider how the Christmas traditions imposed on us by society hold the potential to hinder worship and seek to weave worship into every part of our celebration.

So…as I hang my greens, I will hang them in such a way to create an environment of worship, not just satisfaction with my decorating abilities.  When I shop, I will consider what is reasonable and question whether my spending reflects worship and would please God and Dave Ramsey.   I will also worship by considering how I can use my resources to bless the poor which seem to be God’s favorites.

Marketing Strategies

I recently read a passage of scripture that I had read and heard quoted many times presented in a rather fearful manner, perhaps this was just coming from my own neurotic frame of reference, but this time the passage illuminated with fresh revelation that fed my soul a juicy morsel of sustenance. 

The passage is in 1 Corinthians 4:5 where Paul is addressing the idea of apostleship and confronting the Corinthians on following different leaders instead of Christ.  Paul says, ”Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time, wait till the Lord comes.  He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of men’s heart”.  This has always made me kind of tremble in my boots, but there is more to this passage that somehow I failed to understand.  It continues to say that “At that time each will receive his PRAISE from God”. 

The idea behind this is that what we do in the secret to further the kingdom of God, those unnoticed acts of ministry that we don’t post on facebook and receive kudos for from our fellow peer Christians will receive praise from God.  Our true motives and our inner lives will be exposed and the result will be praise from God when the driving force behind our acts is obedience to God and not self affirmation.

This reminded me of one of my favorite passages of scripture that Jesus taught to His disciples when He presented the Lord’s Prayer in Matthew Chapter 6 where Jesus begins by warning against doing acts to be noticed by men.  He proceeds to proclaim three times in the chapter that what you do in secret will be seen by the Father and He will reward you.   The chapter exhorts us to consider that when our deeds are done for others to see, the praise from them will be our reward, but when our deeds are done as a secret with our Holy Father God, our reward will come from Him.

I’m trying to figure out how Jesus’ marketing strategy works into our 2011 technological world where every good deed is advertised.   I am sure there are times when advertising is necessary to further the kingdom of God, but I do think it can be a terrible pitfall for the feeding of our already over-indulged human nature and the stroking of our egos.   We can easily use the world’s technique and put a spiritual twist to it, but the result is still a worldly result…vanity.

Paul is writing to the Corinthians addressing the problem of boasting in the church and the kind of chaos that has been stirred up as a result....boasting in their wisdom and spiritual gifts, boasting in the certain leaders they are following.  Paul suggests that if we are going to boast to boast in our weakness.  I don’t see many fathers writing about their sons walking the “green mile” on facebook…that’s just not good marketing.

For Mature Women Only!!

Seriously—you might get mad when you read this—I am sorry.

I recently came across a current picture of a woman whom I have been an acquaintance for a number of years on facebook.  I was surprised to see her wearing a provocative dress and upon closer inspection realized there was evidence of some cosmetic surgery that the dress enhanced.  I knew the woman had struggled with body image issues for years and the picture was evidence to me that this was still a prevalent issue in her life.  I know that some of you are mentally accusing me of judging right now, but I want to challenge you to consider the evidence.   This is a woman who is a Christian leader not a woman in the world and I must confess that I was hugely disappointed.

I have worked with jr. high girls for a number of years discussing issues of modesty appropriate for women who are followers of Christ and discussing the problem with trying to use our body to draw attention to ourselves and wear things that send inappropriate messages only to find a Godly woman leader wearing something that broke all the rules that my jr. high girls had established for themselves.  I have to ask the question—is this spiritually mature for a leader?

I am not trying to be a prude, but what do you do what Peter writes to women in 1 Peter chapter 3?  “Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes.  Instead it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.  For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful.  They were submissive to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master.  You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear”.

Are we not giving way to fear when we dress in the way the world does to try to affirm physical beauty in ways that are feeding our own selfish/fleshly desires to be attractive?   Is God glorified-- is it of great worth in God’s sight when we feed our fleshly desires and pursue vanity?

Every woman fights the battle to pursue beauty.  I recently watched a video that said that Americans spend 18 billion dollars annually on make-up when 10 billion dollars would bring clean water to the world.  I have to ask—is the pursuit of beauty a little out of balance?  I have read of people getting tattoos to try to bridge a gap between themselves and unbelievers, but have never heard of women giving up make-up to identify with women who are not up on the latest fashion trends.  I have never heard of women giving up shopping and wearing trendy clothes to identify with lower classes.  Maybe we just do what we really want to do and use it as an excuse to do something spiritual. 

Come on—let’s be real.  None of us want to be ugly, but are we willing to be average in order to truly identify with where most of the world is at?  Perhaps we should consider finding a place of acceptance and grieving that we cannot identify with those of the world who pursue beauty in an ungodly way and that will cost us something that we really like. 

I like to “dress up” and look nice, but I also like to “dress down” and go without makeup. I have found that on days that I run around looking average, I find people much more engaging when I am in my unimpressive mode.   Perhaps that is why Jesus was not so very attractive.  Isaiah 53:2 tells us that “He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him, nothing in his appearance that we should desire Him”.  God didn’t give Jesus a Miss America gene array—He designed Him in a way that He would not be intimidating.  Perhaps we as Godly women should model God’s pattern.

Am I dressing and using my physical appearance for myself and fulfilling the desires of my flesh to bring significance to myself or does my appearance and dress honor God? 

Cataracts

Definition of Cataracts:  A clouding that develops in the lens of the eye obstructing the passage of light.

As we walk in our Christian faith, sometimes the truth that the Holy Spirit wants to shed abroad in our hearts can be clouded by various things like our personal pride, worldly attachments, our grief that comes from experiencing losses at different levels of pain and our failure to look at our own sin honestly.

When truth is clouded, when we fail to see our circumstances through the relevance of scripture, our faith cannot be strong.  Psalms 19:8 says “the precepts of the Lord are right, giving joy to the heart.  The commands of the Lord are radiant, giving light to the eyes”. 

During times where our faith may be prone to wander, seeking truth will keep us from having a clouded view.  When our thinking becomes clouded we may be tempted to rationalize things that we know are wrong.  Allowing a good source of light into our soul will require honestly seeking truth and loving the commands of the Lord.  I am amazed at the number of people who when going through a hard time seek intervention in ways other than turning to the radiance of scripture. 

A friend of mine once told me that when someone came to her with a problem the first thing that she asked them was how much time they had spent in God’s word seeking an answer before they came to her.  Faith believes that God can supply the answers and comfort we need when we are struggling.  It is good to seek advice from people we consider to have wisdom and ability to provide Godly counsel, but to fail to seek God for ourselves is to doubt His ability to speak into our hearts and bring clarity and greater faith.

One summer when I was camping by the lake, we put our tent in a place where the bridge over the lake was visible.  In the morning, a fog had risen up from the lake and the bridge was covered by the fog.  You could see car lights going across the bridge, but the bridge itself was invisible.  As the sun came out and the fog began to dissipate the bridge became visible again.

This is how faith works.  Sometimes we can’t see what is going on, what God is doing is clouded, but by faith we know the bridge is there.  We know that God is at work.  The more light that is let in, the more the fog begins to clear and we can see clearly.  Scripture is like the light shining into the cloudiness to clear away the fogginess of our thinking and it is imperative that we seek the truth of scripture during particularly blurry times.  

These are the lyrics from a song by The Afters entitled, “You Light Up the Sky” :

When I'm feeling all alone
With so far to go
The signs are no where on this road
Guiding me home
When the night is closing in
Is falling on my skin
Oh God will You come close?

Light,  light, light up the sky
You light up the sky to show me You are with me
I can't deny
No, I can't deny that You are right here with me
You've opened my eyes
So I can see You all around me
Light, light, light up the sky
You light up the sky to show me
That You are with me

When stars are hiding in the clouds
I don't feel them shining
When I can't see You beyond my doubt
The silver lining
When I've almost reached the end
Like a flood You're rushing in
Your love is rushing in

So I run straight into Your arms
You're the bright and morning sun
To show Your love there's nothing You won't do

I believe that God wants to shine His light into our cloudy situations and show His love for us.  When we turn to Him and allow Him to show His love for us and hide us in the shadow of His wings and sing over us, He will light up the sky and bring us to a truth that will increase our faith and raise us to new levels of strength in our faith.  Turning to other things and people robs us of intimacy with God that can come when we face trials and fail to find our strength from Him alone.

Psalm 89:15 says, “blessed are those who have learned to acclaim you, who walk in the light of your presence, O Lord”.  Practicing the presence of God will remove the cloudiness in our faith vision.  During times when we are weak and prone to rationalize our sin, or fall into a trap of pride, truth must be absorbed into our souls to give us the will power to resist and stay in the light.

By faith we enter into a quiet place to seek God and have Him speak truth that will lift us from our cloudiness and bring comfort and healing.  We find an unexplained healing take place in us and the practice of coming to Him becomes more and more exciting.  We love the way He “lights up the sky” and heals our souls.  The hunger for His presence becomes more powerful than our pain.  We change—we will never see things the way we used to see them.  The cloudiness is clearer and why would we go back to the old dull vision of desiring lesser things?

Hang Loose

As I was driving home from my mom and dad’s from my weekly visit a few weeks ago, I was driving leisurely behind a pickup enjoying the journey through the winding roads and bluffs heading down the hill toward the beautiful Gasconade River when a black SUV drove up behind me and rode right on my tailgate totally interrupting my special, tranquil moment.  Before I knew what was happening, I stuck my hand out the window and waved a Hawaiian “hang loose” hand signal to him to let him know that I was not happy about him invading my personal space.  I DO NOT know where that came from.  I have never even waved the “hang loose” sign even while visiting in Hawaii and here’s the really sad part—as I was bringing my hand in the window, I thought—I hope he doesn’t think that I am saying “I love you” in sign language.   Before I even got that bubble thought out of my brain, I believe that I heard the voice of God speak to me, saying—“YOU need to hang loose, Annette”. 

I immediately had a mental picture—I am pretty sure that it was only a mental picture and not a vision considering the heathen state that I was in—of God in a Hawaiian shirt waving the hang loose sign at me.  I knew that His one sentence admonishment was not just about my losing my temper at the tailgater, but it was in reference to my behavior earlier that morning.

I had spent the first forty-five minutes of my drive to my mom and dad’s that morning venting to my husband about the injustices of my life and then spent the last forty-five minutes of my drive feeling guilty for my attitude in the wake of the Joplin disaster.  I was in an emotional funk.

I called my husband the next morning to apologize for my discouraging behavior, though not directed at him, yet still discouraging.  He questioned me about my emotional state and I shared with him my frustration over not having any flowers or garden put out, the house projects being incomplete, the garage being a mess and just feeling like life was chaos and I don’t do chaos well.  He asked me why things were in such chaos and I said, “Because I’m incompetent”.  He suggested to me that the reason things were chaotic were because I had made choices to do things that were more important rather than lesser things that make me feel good.

He was right.  I had chosen kingdom things over worldly things, but it still made me feel uncomfortable.  I felt uncomfortable when people talked about getting their gardens out and their new landscaping adventures, I felt uncomfortable when people were getting their lives more organized while I was not getting anywhere.  I like visible stuff—I’m a visual person, but sometimes doing God’s work is uncomfortable and visually it isn’t pretty.

A few days later, I read in Ephesians 1:18:  “I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has call you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints”.  That was it—I needed the eyes of my heart opened to “see” the riches of my inheritance for choosing the kingdom things over lesser things, because their eternal beauty is prettier than any garden, flowers, or organized garage.

The understanding I gained was this—sometimes when I am in the moment and I make choices to lay down my life for things that are more important in the kingdom than my personal life, it feels right and I sense the joy of knowing that I sacrificed for a greater cause, it is a secret between God and me which draws me into a deeper intimacy that is rewarding. The problem is that later when the cost of the choice I made becomes evident, I become discouraged.  When I can’t get my car in the garage and there are no organic fruits to partake of from my garden or I have the ugliest yard on the block, this is when my faith waivers.

So I have created a plan of action—not that my plans always work, but at least I have one.  My plan is to pray the Ephesians verse when I am feeling discontentment over decisions that I made that were right, but have cost me something that makes me uncomfortable and the discomfort has taken me down the path of discouragement.  I will pray that the eyes of my heart will be opened so that I can see the beauty of my eternal inheritance and that I will know the hope that He has called me.   I will try to fantasize about eternal things which are a true reality though not easily comprehended and hang loose till they materialize for eternity not just one summer.

“However, as it is written, No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind conceived what God has prepared for those who love him—But God has revealed it to us by his Spirit.  The Spirit searches all things, even the deep things of God.”  1 Corinthians 3:8-10

Beauty From Ashes

So, I have been processing the whole Joplin disaster and doing some personal grieving myself—though my grief is minuscule compared to others, but grief is grief.  My mother-in-law lived in Joplin for thirty-five years in a house with St. John’s hospital in her backyard.  We lived in Joplin for two years, our children attended Cecil Floyd School, so I do have some connection even though it is very small.

The church my father-in-law pastored for many years was destroyed and many landmarks that stir up fond memories for my husband’s entire family are gone.  Much of their community decimated in one swift whirling blow along with the even more intense grief of the loss of lives.  Although it appears at this time that there were no fatalities of close friends or family that they are aware of, there are other friends who have lost loved ones and neighbors and the grief from the loss of lives is more of a blow than the massive heap of ruins.  I can’t imagine having the community where I grew up blown away with many of the places that I connect happy memories destroyed and looking into hundreds of grief-stricken eyes of people with whom I have a long-standing connection.

But in the ashes there is beauty.  People are coming out of the woodwork to offer whatever consolation they can to ease the pain and they are giving of their resources and doing many benevolent acts to try to provide for those who are without the necessities to exist.  It’s beautiful!  It’s how we were designed by God to be and to see this kind of philanthropy is emotionally elevating.  This invisible beauty is not evident when we view the photos of the mass destruction, but it is still real.

Mostly on a day to day existence, we speak to our neighbors on our way to our caves and we come out to make our way to perform our usual daily tasks, complete the list of tasks on our schedule, and seldom look into the eyes of people to try to see if we can detect any grief or take time to offer whatever consolation we can; but when tragedy of this magnitude happens, the best in human kind comes out.  What if we lived our lives at our best everyday, not just when tragedy has struck?

I hate it that God takes the brunt of so many tragedies, somehow He always gets put on the stand for failing to do what He should and He seldom gets credit for the way He designed our souls to reach out and show compassion and live outside of ourselves for something greater—now that is amazing and beautiful.  I worship God today for His design though it doesn’t shine through as well as it always should, when we get a glimpse of it, it is truly breathtaking.

Perhaps as we consider the beauty arising from the ruins, we could purpose to live our lives more in accordance to God’s design everyday, to bring beauty into ashes on a more regular basis.  We will have to sacrifice and be willing to alter our lives to accommodate the commitment and take up the cross that this new priority will establish, but isn’t the beauty of obedience worth it?   Isn’t the beauty of seeing grief-stricken eyes light up worth it?  Isn’t that what Jesus did?  The joy He must have felt as He saw eyes not only healed, but lit up by the healing that came from the grief of the ashes of people He touched.

Making A Comeback

Baseball is the theme of our children’s church curriculum we recently started for the summer months at the church where I am children’s pastor.  The curriculum is a study based on the lives of the twelve disciples.  I am amazed at how God speaks to me through my preparations and search for material to make the lessons both interesting and relevant for the kids.

This week our study was about Peter—the “Comeback Kid”.  In the curriculum there was a brief write up about Dave Dravecky, a former pitcher for the San Francisco Giants, who had to give up pitching due to complications from a cancerous tumor in his pitching arm.

I went to youtube and found a video of an interview with Dave where he shared his testimony.  He shared about his desire to be a baseball player from the age of eight years old and his journey to finding himself a pitcher in Major League Baseball.  His life was a dream come true finding himself pitching in the World Series and having the “woman of his dreams” for a wife then finding he had cancer in the deltoid muscle of his pitching arm.

Dave made a baseball comeback though and found himself once again pitching in the major leagues even though he had been told that outside a miracle he would never pitch again.  One day while having lunch with teammate, Bob Knapper, Bob said to Dave that it was not the miracle of the comeback that was so important, but the miracle of his  salvation and what God was doing in providing a platform through major league baseball for him to share God’s love with those who were hurting,   

It was right after that Dave’s career ended when his arm broke while delivering a pitch and after two surgeries and staff infection, they had to remove part of his shoulder and pitching arm, but the true comeback for Dave was that he embraced the platform given to him through his painful trial and used it to bring glory to God and minister to those facing painful circumstances.

What a novel view of “miracle” Bob Knapper had, that the true miracle was what God did in Dave’s life about eight years previously through salvation and then presenting Dave with a platform to share his faith to an audience given to him through baseball.  

Same story with Bethany Hamilton, the young Hawaiian surfer girl who was given a platform to share her faith when a tiger shark attacked her and she faced the loss of her arm but came back to become a professional surfer.  Her faith has been given a platform through the movie “Soul Surfer”, the story of her faith journey after losing her arm, and through many interviews on national television as well as a devotional book she has written.

These aren’t exactly the kind of platforms we usually look for to step into, but God works mysteriously and usually through tough stuff.  The kind of faith it takes to fill these callings isn’t for the weak of faith, but it’s these kinds of circumstances that give authority to the words spoken from the “platforms” that have the power to truly minister.

It was extreme circumstances like these that give credence to the words of Paul when he writes “But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.  Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.  That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties.  For when I am weak, then I am strong”.  2 Corinthians 12:9 & 10

There are a number of recorded errors on Peter recorded in the Gospels, but on the Day of Pentecost, Peter embraced the platform and raised his voice to share a powerful message resulting in three thousand accepting his message and being baptized--now that's a comeback.

So what is your “platform”?  Where has God given you a place to speak out of your personal difficulty to inspire others to have faith despite their circumstances.  Have you stepped up to the plate and used your voice to speak courage into people’s fears?  It doesn't have to be a public platform, but embrace the opportunities that present themselves to share how God has given you the grace to bear the trials life has thrown to you.

How has God broken through with His truth, love and grace into your crisis and given you something to share with others from the platform that he prepared for you?  Don’t miss out on the comeback!

Separation Issues

Humor me for one more blog as I write about my dog and my experience at the vet’s office.  If God can send Jeremiah to the Potter’s house for a message, I guess He can send me to the vet’s.

So—I take Panther in for his laser treatment on his foot and as we entered the room where he gets the treatment, Panther and I hear the dogs that are boarded by the vet barking incessantly—they barked persistently during the time we waited for the vet raising Panther’s already abnormally high anxiety level even greater.

When the vet came in, he noticed that Panther had been chewing on his splint and I told him that I had used the anti-lick gel that he had given to me, but it wasn’t working and I shared with him some other naughty things Panther had started doing since the accident during times when I would I leave him alone at home.  He said something like this—Panther’s anxiety level is high because of the trauma of being hit and that makes his separation/abandonment issues worse.  My first thought was that I have already raised my kids and I don’t need to be dealing with this from my PET, but I love Panther so I kept an open mind to what he was saying.

He told me that he had a sample of some anti-lick gel that actually had an anxiety-relieving drug in it.  I thought—I wish I would have had that when my daughter bit her nails.  Anyway, it was free so I took it.

On the way home I was processing the whole experience and it hit me—I have separation issues too.  When I think that God has forsaken me, I do naughty things as well—not so very different from Panther.  Sometimes I withhold praise from God and instead of ministering to needs of others that I am aware of, I spend too much time watching TV or I focus too much on my own needs and allow myself to think thoughts that raise my anxiety level instead of practicing spiritual exercises that I know will decrease that level of fear.

I know that God does not ever leave or forsake us, but we are in a world that is broken and it is not our home.  We are kind of like the dogs in the boarding pen although we do have the spirit of God living in and through us, we are still aliens and foreigners in a place that is only temporary.  We are supposed to be anxiously awaiting our Master’s return to take us to our eternal home—so maybe while I am here I am going to just have to live with this longing to be home and suffering from “separation” issues is just part of the whole picture.

I keep doing things to settle in here in my boarding pen to try to ease the pain of separation and sometimes I bark persistently, but I am smarter than the boarded dogs.  I know that I have a promise from my faithful Savior.

In Jesus final words to His disciples before His crucifixion in John Chapter 14, He said, “Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid” (vs. 27) and in verses 1 and 2 of Chapter 14, He says, “Do not let your hearts be troubled.  Trust in God, trust also in me.  In my Father’s house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you.  I am going there to prepare a place for you.  I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am”.

For now I have to live with my struggle to have faith and not have a “troubled heart”  because I’m stuck here for a temporary time, but I’m not stuck in a pen and I can use my time to accomplish God’s will for me and continue to do good.  My heart and soul still long to not be separated though, but that's okay—you can’t love somebody and be okay with separation.

Tough Stuff

Last Tuesday while I was visiting my mom and dad, my dog, Panther, was hit by a truck when he escaped and ran into the highway in front of their house.  He was lucky and his injuries were not fatal—just expensive and requiring high maintenance.  My life and schedule pretty much ceased and were rewritten by the demands of Panther’s care. 

I took him to my vet to have a complete set of x-rays to determine the extent of his injuries and found that there was some internal bleeding in his chest area and urinalysis revealed “stress” to his kidneys—and “stress” was a good word since his stress involved stress for me also since I was the one responsible for clean up from incontinence caused by the stress.  The vet also found that Panther had a bone broken in his paw, so they sedated him twice—once for the x-rays and once to reset the bone then put his leg in a splint.

The lady who was assisting the vet carried my eighty-pound Weimaraner to the car with remarkable poise.  I expressed to her how impressed I was with her ability to carry my big hunk of puppy to the car with such ease.  She suggested to me to have someone ready to help me get him into the house when I got home, so that I didn’t hurt myself. 

My husband came home and helped me get him in the house and things were going okay—I got his five pills down him easily by wrapping them in thin-sliced deli chicken and was feeling pretty competent till he began to exhibit signs of needing to go to the bathroom.  Normally I would just open the back door to the deck and he would go down the stairs to the backyard, do his business then come back and notify me that he was ready to come in—but because of his injuries and the anesthesia, I couldn’t allow him to go down the back steps.  All of this I failed to plan for and now was having to think quickly of a solution.   I put him on his leash and supported him as I took him out the front door.  He made it down the couple of little steps off the porch then Panther just flopped down on the sidewalk.  He was obviously not going to make it to a bush or some really special blade of grass to do his business, so I had to figure out how to get him back in the house.

Now I was really faced with a dilemma—my husband was at church and I couldn’t get Panther to come back in the house despite my every attempt at coaxing even with his favorite treat, I could leave him outside passed out on the sidewalk or make an effort to get him in by myself.  I thought to myself--if that young lady at the vet’s office could carry him—maybe I could carry him if I just positioned myself like she did—maybe there’s a special secret to carrying him the right way that would distribute his weight in such a way that I would be able to lift him like her.  I put my one arm under him behind his front legs and my other arm under him in front of his back legs just like she had then I lifted with all my might and his front paws came about six inches off the ground.

I tried again and this time I actually lifted his hind legs just a little—my confidence was boosted, so I lifted his front legs again and drug his backside as best I could till I got him back on the porch then just dropped with him.  I was only about three feet from the front door, so I decided to try to drag him through the door to the rug just inside the door and then drag the rug with Panther on the hardwood floor to his palette.   It worked—I was successful.  I ran into the kitchen to get another treat to try to coax Panther from the rug on to the palette and when I came back, Panther lay half on the rug and half on the floor in a puddle of urine.

That night I moved Panther’s palette next to my bed and I would get up and lay with him on his palette when I would hear him licking or biting his splint.  I prayed for him and then wondered if praying for my dog in light of all the more serious requests I was acutely aware of was fruitful.  The verse about God being aware of even a small sparrow falling came to my mind and the next morning, I looked up the verse and was surprised at the context with which this verse is written.

It is found in Matthew chapter 10 in the middle of a section titled “Discipleship and Suffering”.   Jesus is preparing the disciples for persecution that is coming and exhorting them to not be afraid.  He's preparing them for the possibility of losing close family relationships because of their stand of faith and admonishing them not to love their fathers or mothers or sons or daughters more than him.  He also says that anyone who does not take up his cross and follow him is not worthy of him.  He reminds His disciples that they are valuable to the Father and that He is aware of everything—He’s even aware of the number of hairs on their head.  I was reminded that God is aware of all we give up to follow Him—every sacrifice, every trial, every painful experience we suffer while trying to obey and do the will of God.

Sometimes I want God to be like a pet owner—a really good one like me.  I want Him to always make sure my food bowl is full and enough water so I won’t have to drink out of the toilet.  I want Him to wrap my pills in deli lunch meat and never stick the pill in my mouth then hold my snout closed till I swallow it.  I want Him to give me treats when I do tricks and behave well and keep me on a leash so I don’t run blindly and stupidly on to the highway while trying to exert my independence or cross boundaries set up for my safety.

I got kind of tickled at verse 27 in this section that says, “What I tell you in the dark, speak in the daylight; what is whispered in your ear, proclaim from the roofs”.  It was in the dark--actually about 2:18 am that God brought the verse that drew me to this portion of scripture.   It’s kind of funny how God brings us encouragement sometimes.

 There are a lot of times that I feel like quitting and feel frustrated that I can’t see more fruit from my endeavors in the kingdom.  God in His quirky way reminded me that it’s tough to follow Him and I just need to keep speaking what He gives me.  It’s normal to be tough—it’s actually a very good sign.