God's Favorites

It is that festive time of year to begin the joyful (sigh) process of “hanging the greens”.  This, of course, means that for me to begin the process, I am going to have to face “the closet”.  The closet that houses my pathetic overflow of clothes that won’t fit in the closet in my own bedroom, but now also consume the closet that was my daughter’s before she married.  The closet that convicts me that I might have a problem with hoarding.  The closet that dashes any pride I have in being an organized person.  The sad thing is that “the closet” is not the only place that I have to rummage through to get to my Christmas decorations—there is also the basement and garage.  Even the Christmas music doesn’t set me in the mood for this task.

Facing “the closet” is not the only reason that I stall from the whole decorating thing.  There is the emotional effort it takes to reconcile Christmas, the American way, with the simplicity of God’s design in Christ’s birth.  How does my celebration of the birth of God’s son fit into His design?

He chose a manger and entrusted the care of His son to a poor couple who could not even afford a lamb, but had to bring a pair of doves or two young pigeons as their offering when they brought Jesus to be consecrated, a symbol of their poverty (Luke 2:24).  The Lamb of God did not have a lamb to present at his dedication.  I can only imagine that this particular act of presenting Jesus to the Lord was probably a milestone for the baby book at that time and even God’s own son did not have parents with status to provide a lamb at His consecration.

God chose such simple and humble beginnings for the early childhood years of His son and an even more humble lifestyle of homelessness for Jesus’ adult years.  He chose to weave His DNA in such a way that Jesus did not have physical attractiveness (Isaiah 53:2) and allowed Him to live a life of oppression, sorrow and suffering during His time in our world and Jesus willingly surrendered to His father’s plan.

There is so much about God’s character and His will revealed in the Christmas story.  The Word truly becomes flesh and displays to us His ways and this commands us to worship.  We must consider how the Christmas traditions imposed on us by society hold the potential to hinder worship and seek to weave worship into every part of our celebration.

So…as I hang my greens, I will hang them in such a way to create an environment of worship, not just satisfaction with my decorating abilities.  When I shop, I will consider what is reasonable and question whether my spending reflects worship and would please God and Dave Ramsey.   I will also worship by considering how I can use my resources to bless the poor which seem to be God’s favorites.

Marketing Strategies

I recently read a passage of scripture that I had read and heard quoted many times presented in a rather fearful manner, perhaps this was just coming from my own neurotic frame of reference, but this time the passage illuminated with fresh revelation that fed my soul a juicy morsel of sustenance. 

The passage is in 1 Corinthians 4:5 where Paul is addressing the idea of apostleship and confronting the Corinthians on following different leaders instead of Christ.  Paul says, ”Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time, wait till the Lord comes.  He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of men’s heart”.  This has always made me kind of tremble in my boots, but there is more to this passage that somehow I failed to understand.  It continues to say that “At that time each will receive his PRAISE from God”. 

The idea behind this is that what we do in the secret to further the kingdom of God, those unnoticed acts of ministry that we don’t post on facebook and receive kudos for from our fellow peer Christians will receive praise from God.  Our true motives and our inner lives will be exposed and the result will be praise from God when the driving force behind our acts is obedience to God and not self affirmation.

This reminded me of one of my favorite passages of scripture that Jesus taught to His disciples when He presented the Lord’s Prayer in Matthew Chapter 6 where Jesus begins by warning against doing acts to be noticed by men.  He proceeds to proclaim three times in the chapter that what you do in secret will be seen by the Father and He will reward you.   The chapter exhorts us to consider that when our deeds are done for others to see, the praise from them will be our reward, but when our deeds are done as a secret with our Holy Father God, our reward will come from Him.

I’m trying to figure out how Jesus’ marketing strategy works into our 2011 technological world where every good deed is advertised.   I am sure there are times when advertising is necessary to further the kingdom of God, but I do think it can be a terrible pitfall for the feeding of our already over-indulged human nature and the stroking of our egos.   We can easily use the world’s technique and put a spiritual twist to it, but the result is still a worldly result…vanity.

Paul is writing to the Corinthians addressing the problem of boasting in the church and the kind of chaos that has been stirred up as a result....boasting in their wisdom and spiritual gifts, boasting in the certain leaders they are following.  Paul suggests that if we are going to boast to boast in our weakness.  I don’t see many fathers writing about their sons walking the “green mile” on facebook…that’s just not good marketing.

For Mature Women Only!!

Seriously—you might get mad when you read this—I am sorry.

I recently came across a current picture of a woman whom I have been an acquaintance for a number of years on facebook.  I was surprised to see her wearing a provocative dress and upon closer inspection realized there was evidence of some cosmetic surgery that the dress enhanced.  I knew the woman had struggled with body image issues for years and the picture was evidence to me that this was still a prevalent issue in her life.  I know that some of you are mentally accusing me of judging right now, but I want to challenge you to consider the evidence.   This is a woman who is a Christian leader not a woman in the world and I must confess that I was hugely disappointed.

I have worked with jr. high girls for a number of years discussing issues of modesty appropriate for women who are followers of Christ and discussing the problem with trying to use our body to draw attention to ourselves and wear things that send inappropriate messages only to find a Godly woman leader wearing something that broke all the rules that my jr. high girls had established for themselves.  I have to ask the question—is this spiritually mature for a leader?

I am not trying to be a prude, but what do you do what Peter writes to women in 1 Peter chapter 3?  “Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes.  Instead it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.  For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful.  They were submissive to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master.  You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear”.

Are we not giving way to fear when we dress in the way the world does to try to affirm physical beauty in ways that are feeding our own selfish/fleshly desires to be attractive?   Is God glorified-- is it of great worth in God’s sight when we feed our fleshly desires and pursue vanity?

Every woman fights the battle to pursue beauty.  I recently watched a video that said that Americans spend 18 billion dollars annually on make-up when 10 billion dollars would bring clean water to the world.  I have to ask—is the pursuit of beauty a little out of balance?  I have read of people getting tattoos to try to bridge a gap between themselves and unbelievers, but have never heard of women giving up make-up to identify with women who are not up on the latest fashion trends.  I have never heard of women giving up shopping and wearing trendy clothes to identify with lower classes.  Maybe we just do what we really want to do and use it as an excuse to do something spiritual. 

Come on—let’s be real.  None of us want to be ugly, but are we willing to be average in order to truly identify with where most of the world is at?  Perhaps we should consider finding a place of acceptance and grieving that we cannot identify with those of the world who pursue beauty in an ungodly way and that will cost us something that we really like. 

I like to “dress up” and look nice, but I also like to “dress down” and go without makeup. I have found that on days that I run around looking average, I find people much more engaging when I am in my unimpressive mode.   Perhaps that is why Jesus was not so very attractive.  Isaiah 53:2 tells us that “He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him, nothing in his appearance that we should desire Him”.  God didn’t give Jesus a Miss America gene array—He designed Him in a way that He would not be intimidating.  Perhaps we as Godly women should model God’s pattern.

Am I dressing and using my physical appearance for myself and fulfilling the desires of my flesh to bring significance to myself or does my appearance and dress honor God? 

Cataracts

Definition of Cataracts:  A clouding that develops in the lens of the eye obstructing the passage of light.

As we walk in our Christian faith, sometimes the truth that the Holy Spirit wants to shed abroad in our hearts can be clouded by various things like our personal pride, worldly attachments, our grief that comes from experiencing losses at different levels of pain and our failure to look at our own sin honestly.

When truth is clouded, when we fail to see our circumstances through the relevance of scripture, our faith cannot be strong.  Psalms 19:8 says “the precepts of the Lord are right, giving joy to the heart.  The commands of the Lord are radiant, giving light to the eyes”. 

During times where our faith may be prone to wander, seeking truth will keep us from having a clouded view.  When our thinking becomes clouded we may be tempted to rationalize things that we know are wrong.  Allowing a good source of light into our soul will require honestly seeking truth and loving the commands of the Lord.  I am amazed at the number of people who when going through a hard time seek intervention in ways other than turning to the radiance of scripture. 

A friend of mine once told me that when someone came to her with a problem the first thing that she asked them was how much time they had spent in God’s word seeking an answer before they came to her.  Faith believes that God can supply the answers and comfort we need when we are struggling.  It is good to seek advice from people we consider to have wisdom and ability to provide Godly counsel, but to fail to seek God for ourselves is to doubt His ability to speak into our hearts and bring clarity and greater faith.

One summer when I was camping by the lake, we put our tent in a place where the bridge over the lake was visible.  In the morning, a fog had risen up from the lake and the bridge was covered by the fog.  You could see car lights going across the bridge, but the bridge itself was invisible.  As the sun came out and the fog began to dissipate the bridge became visible again.

This is how faith works.  Sometimes we can’t see what is going on, what God is doing is clouded, but by faith we know the bridge is there.  We know that God is at work.  The more light that is let in, the more the fog begins to clear and we can see clearly.  Scripture is like the light shining into the cloudiness to clear away the fogginess of our thinking and it is imperative that we seek the truth of scripture during particularly blurry times.  

These are the lyrics from a song by The Afters entitled, “You Light Up the Sky” :

When I'm feeling all alone
With so far to go
The signs are no where on this road
Guiding me home
When the night is closing in
Is falling on my skin
Oh God will You come close?

Light,  light, light up the sky
You light up the sky to show me You are with me
I can't deny
No, I can't deny that You are right here with me
You've opened my eyes
So I can see You all around me
Light, light, light up the sky
You light up the sky to show me
That You are with me

When stars are hiding in the clouds
I don't feel them shining
When I can't see You beyond my doubt
The silver lining
When I've almost reached the end
Like a flood You're rushing in
Your love is rushing in

So I run straight into Your arms
You're the bright and morning sun
To show Your love there's nothing You won't do

I believe that God wants to shine His light into our cloudy situations and show His love for us.  When we turn to Him and allow Him to show His love for us and hide us in the shadow of His wings and sing over us, He will light up the sky and bring us to a truth that will increase our faith and raise us to new levels of strength in our faith.  Turning to other things and people robs us of intimacy with God that can come when we face trials and fail to find our strength from Him alone.

Psalm 89:15 says, “blessed are those who have learned to acclaim you, who walk in the light of your presence, O Lord”.  Practicing the presence of God will remove the cloudiness in our faith vision.  During times when we are weak and prone to rationalize our sin, or fall into a trap of pride, truth must be absorbed into our souls to give us the will power to resist and stay in the light.

By faith we enter into a quiet place to seek God and have Him speak truth that will lift us from our cloudiness and bring comfort and healing.  We find an unexplained healing take place in us and the practice of coming to Him becomes more and more exciting.  We love the way He “lights up the sky” and heals our souls.  The hunger for His presence becomes more powerful than our pain.  We change—we will never see things the way we used to see them.  The cloudiness is clearer and why would we go back to the old dull vision of desiring lesser things?

Hang Loose

As I was driving home from my mom and dad’s from my weekly visit a few weeks ago, I was driving leisurely behind a pickup enjoying the journey through the winding roads and bluffs heading down the hill toward the beautiful Gasconade River when a black SUV drove up behind me and rode right on my tailgate totally interrupting my special, tranquil moment.  Before I knew what was happening, I stuck my hand out the window and waved a Hawaiian “hang loose” hand signal to him to let him know that I was not happy about him invading my personal space.  I DO NOT know where that came from.  I have never even waved the “hang loose” sign even while visiting in Hawaii and here’s the really sad part—as I was bringing my hand in the window, I thought—I hope he doesn’t think that I am saying “I love you” in sign language.   Before I even got that bubble thought out of my brain, I believe that I heard the voice of God speak to me, saying—“YOU need to hang loose, Annette”. 

I immediately had a mental picture—I am pretty sure that it was only a mental picture and not a vision considering the heathen state that I was in—of God in a Hawaiian shirt waving the hang loose sign at me.  I knew that His one sentence admonishment was not just about my losing my temper at the tailgater, but it was in reference to my behavior earlier that morning.

I had spent the first forty-five minutes of my drive to my mom and dad’s that morning venting to my husband about the injustices of my life and then spent the last forty-five minutes of my drive feeling guilty for my attitude in the wake of the Joplin disaster.  I was in an emotional funk.

I called my husband the next morning to apologize for my discouraging behavior, though not directed at him, yet still discouraging.  He questioned me about my emotional state and I shared with him my frustration over not having any flowers or garden put out, the house projects being incomplete, the garage being a mess and just feeling like life was chaos and I don’t do chaos well.  He asked me why things were in such chaos and I said, “Because I’m incompetent”.  He suggested to me that the reason things were chaotic were because I had made choices to do things that were more important rather than lesser things that make me feel good.

He was right.  I had chosen kingdom things over worldly things, but it still made me feel uncomfortable.  I felt uncomfortable when people talked about getting their gardens out and their new landscaping adventures, I felt uncomfortable when people were getting their lives more organized while I was not getting anywhere.  I like visible stuff—I’m a visual person, but sometimes doing God’s work is uncomfortable and visually it isn’t pretty.

A few days later, I read in Ephesians 1:18:  “I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has call you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints”.  That was it—I needed the eyes of my heart opened to “see” the riches of my inheritance for choosing the kingdom things over lesser things, because their eternal beauty is prettier than any garden, flowers, or organized garage.

The understanding I gained was this—sometimes when I am in the moment and I make choices to lay down my life for things that are more important in the kingdom than my personal life, it feels right and I sense the joy of knowing that I sacrificed for a greater cause, it is a secret between God and me which draws me into a deeper intimacy that is rewarding. The problem is that later when the cost of the choice I made becomes evident, I become discouraged.  When I can’t get my car in the garage and there are no organic fruits to partake of from my garden or I have the ugliest yard on the block, this is when my faith waivers.

So I have created a plan of action—not that my plans always work, but at least I have one.  My plan is to pray the Ephesians verse when I am feeling discontentment over decisions that I made that were right, but have cost me something that makes me uncomfortable and the discomfort has taken me down the path of discouragement.  I will pray that the eyes of my heart will be opened so that I can see the beauty of my eternal inheritance and that I will know the hope that He has called me.   I will try to fantasize about eternal things which are a true reality though not easily comprehended and hang loose till they materialize for eternity not just one summer.

“However, as it is written, No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind conceived what God has prepared for those who love him—But God has revealed it to us by his Spirit.  The Spirit searches all things, even the deep things of God.”  1 Corinthians 3:8-10

Beauty From Ashes

So, I have been processing the whole Joplin disaster and doing some personal grieving myself—though my grief is minuscule compared to others, but grief is grief.  My mother-in-law lived in Joplin for thirty-five years in a house with St. John’s hospital in her backyard.  We lived in Joplin for two years, our children attended Cecil Floyd School, so I do have some connection even though it is very small.

The church my father-in-law pastored for many years was destroyed and many landmarks that stir up fond memories for my husband’s entire family are gone.  Much of their community decimated in one swift whirling blow along with the even more intense grief of the loss of lives.  Although it appears at this time that there were no fatalities of close friends or family that they are aware of, there are other friends who have lost loved ones and neighbors and the grief from the loss of lives is more of a blow than the massive heap of ruins.  I can’t imagine having the community where I grew up blown away with many of the places that I connect happy memories destroyed and looking into hundreds of grief-stricken eyes of people with whom I have a long-standing connection.

But in the ashes there is beauty.  People are coming out of the woodwork to offer whatever consolation they can to ease the pain and they are giving of their resources and doing many benevolent acts to try to provide for those who are without the necessities to exist.  It’s beautiful!  It’s how we were designed by God to be and to see this kind of philanthropy is emotionally elevating.  This invisible beauty is not evident when we view the photos of the mass destruction, but it is still real.

Mostly on a day to day existence, we speak to our neighbors on our way to our caves and we come out to make our way to perform our usual daily tasks, complete the list of tasks on our schedule, and seldom look into the eyes of people to try to see if we can detect any grief or take time to offer whatever consolation we can; but when tragedy of this magnitude happens, the best in human kind comes out.  What if we lived our lives at our best everyday, not just when tragedy has struck?

I hate it that God takes the brunt of so many tragedies, somehow He always gets put on the stand for failing to do what He should and He seldom gets credit for the way He designed our souls to reach out and show compassion and live outside of ourselves for something greater—now that is amazing and beautiful.  I worship God today for His design though it doesn’t shine through as well as it always should, when we get a glimpse of it, it is truly breathtaking.

Perhaps as we consider the beauty arising from the ruins, we could purpose to live our lives more in accordance to God’s design everyday, to bring beauty into ashes on a more regular basis.  We will have to sacrifice and be willing to alter our lives to accommodate the commitment and take up the cross that this new priority will establish, but isn’t the beauty of obedience worth it?   Isn’t the beauty of seeing grief-stricken eyes light up worth it?  Isn’t that what Jesus did?  The joy He must have felt as He saw eyes not only healed, but lit up by the healing that came from the grief of the ashes of people He touched.

Making A Comeback

Baseball is the theme of our children’s church curriculum we recently started for the summer months at the church where I am children’s pastor.  The curriculum is a study based on the lives of the twelve disciples.  I am amazed at how God speaks to me through my preparations and search for material to make the lessons both interesting and relevant for the kids.

This week our study was about Peter—the “Comeback Kid”.  In the curriculum there was a brief write up about Dave Dravecky, a former pitcher for the San Francisco Giants, who had to give up pitching due to complications from a cancerous tumor in his pitching arm.

I went to youtube and found a video of an interview with Dave where he shared his testimony.  He shared about his desire to be a baseball player from the age of eight years old and his journey to finding himself a pitcher in Major League Baseball.  His life was a dream come true finding himself pitching in the World Series and having the “woman of his dreams” for a wife then finding he had cancer in the deltoid muscle of his pitching arm.

Dave made a baseball comeback though and found himself once again pitching in the major leagues even though he had been told that outside a miracle he would never pitch again.  One day while having lunch with teammate, Bob Knapper, Bob said to Dave that it was not the miracle of the comeback that was so important, but the miracle of his  salvation and what God was doing in providing a platform through major league baseball for him to share God’s love with those who were hurting,   

It was right after that Dave’s career ended when his arm broke while delivering a pitch and after two surgeries and staff infection, they had to remove part of his shoulder and pitching arm, but the true comeback for Dave was that he embraced the platform given to him through his painful trial and used it to bring glory to God and minister to those facing painful circumstances.

What a novel view of “miracle” Bob Knapper had, that the true miracle was what God did in Dave’s life about eight years previously through salvation and then presenting Dave with a platform to share his faith to an audience given to him through baseball.  

Same story with Bethany Hamilton, the young Hawaiian surfer girl who was given a platform to share her faith when a tiger shark attacked her and she faced the loss of her arm but came back to become a professional surfer.  Her faith has been given a platform through the movie “Soul Surfer”, the story of her faith journey after losing her arm, and through many interviews on national television as well as a devotional book she has written.

These aren’t exactly the kind of platforms we usually look for to step into, but God works mysteriously and usually through tough stuff.  The kind of faith it takes to fill these callings isn’t for the weak of faith, but it’s these kinds of circumstances that give authority to the words spoken from the “platforms” that have the power to truly minister.

It was extreme circumstances like these that give credence to the words of Paul when he writes “But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.  Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.  That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties.  For when I am weak, then I am strong”.  2 Corinthians 12:9 & 10

There are a number of recorded errors on Peter recorded in the Gospels, but on the Day of Pentecost, Peter embraced the platform and raised his voice to share a powerful message resulting in three thousand accepting his message and being baptized--now that's a comeback.

So what is your “platform”?  Where has God given you a place to speak out of your personal difficulty to inspire others to have faith despite their circumstances.  Have you stepped up to the plate and used your voice to speak courage into people’s fears?  It doesn't have to be a public platform, but embrace the opportunities that present themselves to share how God has given you the grace to bear the trials life has thrown to you.

How has God broken through with His truth, love and grace into your crisis and given you something to share with others from the platform that he prepared for you?  Don’t miss out on the comeback!

Separation Issues

Humor me for one more blog as I write about my dog and my experience at the vet’s office.  If God can send Jeremiah to the Potter’s house for a message, I guess He can send me to the vet’s.

So—I take Panther in for his laser treatment on his foot and as we entered the room where he gets the treatment, Panther and I hear the dogs that are boarded by the vet barking incessantly—they barked persistently during the time we waited for the vet raising Panther’s already abnormally high anxiety level even greater.

When the vet came in, he noticed that Panther had been chewing on his splint and I told him that I had used the anti-lick gel that he had given to me, but it wasn’t working and I shared with him some other naughty things Panther had started doing since the accident during times when I would I leave him alone at home.  He said something like this—Panther’s anxiety level is high because of the trauma of being hit and that makes his separation/abandonment issues worse.  My first thought was that I have already raised my kids and I don’t need to be dealing with this from my PET, but I love Panther so I kept an open mind to what he was saying.

He told me that he had a sample of some anti-lick gel that actually had an anxiety-relieving drug in it.  I thought—I wish I would have had that when my daughter bit her nails.  Anyway, it was free so I took it.

On the way home I was processing the whole experience and it hit me—I have separation issues too.  When I think that God has forsaken me, I do naughty things as well—not so very different from Panther.  Sometimes I withhold praise from God and instead of ministering to needs of others that I am aware of, I spend too much time watching TV or I focus too much on my own needs and allow myself to think thoughts that raise my anxiety level instead of practicing spiritual exercises that I know will decrease that level of fear.

I know that God does not ever leave or forsake us, but we are in a world that is broken and it is not our home.  We are kind of like the dogs in the boarding pen although we do have the spirit of God living in and through us, we are still aliens and foreigners in a place that is only temporary.  We are supposed to be anxiously awaiting our Master’s return to take us to our eternal home—so maybe while I am here I am going to just have to live with this longing to be home and suffering from “separation” issues is just part of the whole picture.

I keep doing things to settle in here in my boarding pen to try to ease the pain of separation and sometimes I bark persistently, but I am smarter than the boarded dogs.  I know that I have a promise from my faithful Savior.

In Jesus final words to His disciples before His crucifixion in John Chapter 14, He said, “Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid” (vs. 27) and in verses 1 and 2 of Chapter 14, He says, “Do not let your hearts be troubled.  Trust in God, trust also in me.  In my Father’s house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you.  I am going there to prepare a place for you.  I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am”.

For now I have to live with my struggle to have faith and not have a “troubled heart”  because I’m stuck here for a temporary time, but I’m not stuck in a pen and I can use my time to accomplish God’s will for me and continue to do good.  My heart and soul still long to not be separated though, but that's okay—you can’t love somebody and be okay with separation.

Tough Stuff

Last Tuesday while I was visiting my mom and dad, my dog, Panther, was hit by a truck when he escaped and ran into the highway in front of their house.  He was lucky and his injuries were not fatal—just expensive and requiring high maintenance.  My life and schedule pretty much ceased and were rewritten by the demands of Panther’s care. 

I took him to my vet to have a complete set of x-rays to determine the extent of his injuries and found that there was some internal bleeding in his chest area and urinalysis revealed “stress” to his kidneys—and “stress” was a good word since his stress involved stress for me also since I was the one responsible for clean up from incontinence caused by the stress.  The vet also found that Panther had a bone broken in his paw, so they sedated him twice—once for the x-rays and once to reset the bone then put his leg in a splint.

The lady who was assisting the vet carried my eighty-pound Weimaraner to the car with remarkable poise.  I expressed to her how impressed I was with her ability to carry my big hunk of puppy to the car with such ease.  She suggested to me to have someone ready to help me get him into the house when I got home, so that I didn’t hurt myself. 

My husband came home and helped me get him in the house and things were going okay—I got his five pills down him easily by wrapping them in thin-sliced deli chicken and was feeling pretty competent till he began to exhibit signs of needing to go to the bathroom.  Normally I would just open the back door to the deck and he would go down the stairs to the backyard, do his business then come back and notify me that he was ready to come in—but because of his injuries and the anesthesia, I couldn’t allow him to go down the back steps.  All of this I failed to plan for and now was having to think quickly of a solution.   I put him on his leash and supported him as I took him out the front door.  He made it down the couple of little steps off the porch then Panther just flopped down on the sidewalk.  He was obviously not going to make it to a bush or some really special blade of grass to do his business, so I had to figure out how to get him back in the house.

Now I was really faced with a dilemma—my husband was at church and I couldn’t get Panther to come back in the house despite my every attempt at coaxing even with his favorite treat, I could leave him outside passed out on the sidewalk or make an effort to get him in by myself.  I thought to myself--if that young lady at the vet’s office could carry him—maybe I could carry him if I just positioned myself like she did—maybe there’s a special secret to carrying him the right way that would distribute his weight in such a way that I would be able to lift him like her.  I put my one arm under him behind his front legs and my other arm under him in front of his back legs just like she had then I lifted with all my might and his front paws came about six inches off the ground.

I tried again and this time I actually lifted his hind legs just a little—my confidence was boosted, so I lifted his front legs again and drug his backside as best I could till I got him back on the porch then just dropped with him.  I was only about three feet from the front door, so I decided to try to drag him through the door to the rug just inside the door and then drag the rug with Panther on the hardwood floor to his palette.   It worked—I was successful.  I ran into the kitchen to get another treat to try to coax Panther from the rug on to the palette and when I came back, Panther lay half on the rug and half on the floor in a puddle of urine.

That night I moved Panther’s palette next to my bed and I would get up and lay with him on his palette when I would hear him licking or biting his splint.  I prayed for him and then wondered if praying for my dog in light of all the more serious requests I was acutely aware of was fruitful.  The verse about God being aware of even a small sparrow falling came to my mind and the next morning, I looked up the verse and was surprised at the context with which this verse is written.

It is found in Matthew chapter 10 in the middle of a section titled “Discipleship and Suffering”.   Jesus is preparing the disciples for persecution that is coming and exhorting them to not be afraid.  He's preparing them for the possibility of losing close family relationships because of their stand of faith and admonishing them not to love their fathers or mothers or sons or daughters more than him.  He also says that anyone who does not take up his cross and follow him is not worthy of him.  He reminds His disciples that they are valuable to the Father and that He is aware of everything—He’s even aware of the number of hairs on their head.  I was reminded that God is aware of all we give up to follow Him—every sacrifice, every trial, every painful experience we suffer while trying to obey and do the will of God.

Sometimes I want God to be like a pet owner—a really good one like me.  I want Him to always make sure my food bowl is full and enough water so I won’t have to drink out of the toilet.  I want Him to wrap my pills in deli lunch meat and never stick the pill in my mouth then hold my snout closed till I swallow it.  I want Him to give me treats when I do tricks and behave well and keep me on a leash so I don’t run blindly and stupidly on to the highway while trying to exert my independence or cross boundaries set up for my safety.

I got kind of tickled at verse 27 in this section that says, “What I tell you in the dark, speak in the daylight; what is whispered in your ear, proclaim from the roofs”.  It was in the dark--actually about 2:18 am that God brought the verse that drew me to this portion of scripture.   It’s kind of funny how God brings us encouragement sometimes.

 There are a lot of times that I feel like quitting and feel frustrated that I can’t see more fruit from my endeavors in the kingdom.  God in His quirky way reminded me that it’s tough to follow Him and I just need to keep speaking what He gives me.  It’s normal to be tough—it’s actually a very good sign.

Mother's Day Turned Thanksgiving Day

Sunday morning on Mother’s Day, I was having a bad morning, feeling pretty sorry for myself and discussing the situation with God.  I got dressed and headed out in the churches big sixteen-passenger 1996 Dodge van which the kids and I refer to as “The Big Green Machine” to pick up the kids on my bus route.  As I was getting into the van, my neighbor yelled, “hello” to me, so I stopped and talked briefly then told him that I had better get going.

As I was getting into the van, I said, “I love to drive this—it’s my favorite thing to do”.  He looked at me blankly—I said, “I’m kidding”.  He said, “I wasn’t sure”.  I thought—what in the world about my personality would cause someone to think that I could possibly not be kidding—I must be really weird.

As I was driving, I ran into a couple of other church vans and waved at the people driving—as is customary for those of us in the elite Sunday-morning van driving club to do, I had the Wind FM playing and was trying to get in a more worshipful mood, but it wasn’t really working.  I told the Holy Spirit that He was going to have to take over because my flesh was interfering with His “Godly” plans and if I was going to minister in any way in children’s church, He was going to have to arise to the occasion or we were sunk.

I got to church and had to go straight in to the computer to put the words of the songs we were going to sing that day into EasyWorship and once again felt sorry for myself because the computer had crashed a couple of weeks before and all of my song library had been lost—every song had to be re-entered into the computer. 

I began putting in the words to “Awesome God”.  I had to listen to the song and then stop and type in the words, so I had to listen really close.  The arrangement was an arrangement for children’s worship and there were readings of scripture by kids about the awesomeness of God interspersed in the song.  I started thinking of the awesomeness of God and how often we fail to recognize His greatness—how often we fail to give Him the thanks that is due Him.  He has a pretty “thankless” job.  I listened as the kid's expressed worship and I just stopped typing and listened to the song.

I went to my concordance and counted the number of times that the Bible mentions to give thanks and it was twenty-five.  Twenty-five times—at least, God instructs me to give thanks.  I know that we pick and choose the things that we decide to be obedient about, but giving thanks should be a priority.  

God is always working in invisible ways to accomplish his good purpose in all of our lives.  He is always at work around us to draw men to Him and sometimes we fail to be attentive because our eyes can only see what is going on in front of our noses.  Our personal circumstances and struggles keep us from looking up to see the greatness of God and hinder our ability to obey in giving thanks.  As Paul says, “my brothers (and sisters), these things should not be”.

Psalm 121—I lift up my eyes to the hills—where does my help come from?  My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.  He will not let your foot slip—he who watches over Israel will not slumber; indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.  The Lord watches over you—the Lord is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night.  The Lord will keep you from all harm—he will watch over your life; the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.

I asked God to help me and He did—He showed up and spoke His truth to me in the midst of my despair and saved the day.  I’m not sure why I was surprised—that’s what He does when we ask and seek.

I don’t want to have any part in God having a “thankless” job.  I want to appreciate and be involved in seeing the minuscule ways that He is showing His love for me.  I want to be able to get my nose out of my problems and look to “where my help comes from”.  I am going to try to do that today and hopefully tomorrow too—I know that my nose will get stuck again, but I’m going to keep trying to give thanks to God because He is good and His love does endure forever.

Making Rain

Saturday we have a mother/daughter tea at our church with a theme of “Weathering the Storms of Motherhood”.  Yesterday my faithful friend, who follows me in all sorts of wacky endeavors to serve together in the kingdom, once again assisted me in another decorating adventure.  This time we endeavored to suspend umbrellas and teardrop-shaped glass pebbles with clear nylon thread from the ceiling tiles in our fellowship hall to give the appearance of rain falling upon umbrellas.

We were a comedy of errors in our attempts.  The threads tangled and it was impossible to see the thread to tie knots when we wrapped the thread around the t-pins.  We concluded that there were two things needed to master the skill of this decorating fiasco, one was good eyes and the other was great coordination and both of us had neither.  I said, “I have a whole new appreciation for God.  It’s so hard to mimic what He does so easily”.

I wondered if God put in eight-hour days when He did creation or maybe the “day” means that He put in twenty-four hours or at least twelve.  I would feel a whole lot less incompetent if I knew that it took Him at least twenty-four hours to suspend the stars in space since it took us both three hours to hang only thirty-two raindrops and five umbrellas.   I’m pretty sure He didn’t use nylon thread.

I wondered if God looked down at my friend and me and watched us something like me watching a Lucy show.  I wondered if he laughed out loud or just smiled and shook His head.

I thought of Job’s conversation with God as I drove home.  Job was questioning God concerning the tribulation that had come upon him and God gave Job a response.  I remembered some of the things that God had said because my husband wrote a song about it, but I looked it up when I got home in Job chapters 36-42.  You must go get your Bible and read these chapters to see God’s reminder of His greatness to Job.  You will have a surge of faith.

Elihu says to Job in 36:26-33

            How great is God—beyond our understanding! The number of his years is past finding out.  He draws up the drops of water, which distill as rain to the streams, the clouds pour down their moisture and abundant showers fall on mankind.  Who can understand how he spreads out the clouds, how He thunders from his pavilion?  See how he scatters his lightning about him, this is the way He governs the nations and provides food in abundance.  He fills his hands with lightning and commands it to strike its mark.

His thunder announces the coming storm; even the cattle make known its approach.

I have to go hang some more raindrops today.  I’m a little more skillful today and hope to hang them a bit faster.  I will also do it in a sense of awe of God’s greatness and how He draws me to Him and reminds me of who He is even as I do menial tasks to serve Him in His kingdom.  I am humbled.

Inheritance

My family has some really powerful stories of redemption and since it is the week of Mother’s Day, I thought I would share about my maternal grandma.  Her name was Clella and in my mind she has always been a saint, but yesterday I had a moment of enlightenment that caused me to revere her even more.

I will have start at the beginning telling the story of her husband and my grandpa, James Wilson, to give a full picture of the story.    Grandpa was the son of a single mom during a time when single moms were uncommon.   The story told to me is that my grandfather’s mother became impregnated when she was young and unmarried and the man kept promising to marry her, but just wouldn’t fulfill his promise.  One day he told her that if she would get a disfiguring “mark” on her face removed that he would marry her. 

My great grandma in desperation went to a doctor and had the mark removed, but in the process got blood poisoning and died.  Grandpa was around three years old when his mother passed away.  He grew up in a small community, raised by his grandparents and was continually subjected to derogatory remarks regarding his fatherless status.  It was not a single-mom friendly time.  The practice of grandparents raising their grandkids was uncommon and there was little sensitivity and lack of understanding regarding the situation.

My grandpa worked hard trying always to compensate for his lack of social acceptance and he gained the respect of neighbors and others in the community which allowed him to secure the blessing to marry a young lady of good repute from her father and other family members.  James and Clella married and built a house on the family farm on the beautiful Gasconade River.  Grandpa’s grandparents lived in a house behind them and my grandma cared for them.

Since my mom’s stroke three years ago, I have made it a point to drive a hundred-mile trek to visit them every Tuesday and help with cleaning and cooking.  It has been such a blessing to be able to hear stories they tell me that I might not have heard had I not had the opportunity to visit with them every Tuesday.  Sometimes when I drive home and process our day, I feel overwhelmed with joy that God allows me to have them and serve them in the way that He has provided for me to use my gifts  to bless them.

Sometimes they tell me the same stories that I have already heard many times, but as I listen to them in my station in life now, they have new meaning.  Yesterday, during my drive home, I was thinking about my grandma, Clella, caring for my grandpa’s granparents and it hit me that she was only in her twenties when she was doing what I am doing in my fifties.  I am pretty sure that when I was in my twenties I would have been too self absorbed to be the type of servant my grandma was.  

Grandma not only took care of her husband’s grandparents, I have also heard the story of how she would walk through the woods to her father’s house to cook and clean for him after her mother passed away.  I had heard these stories and somehow pictured my grandma being "old" when she was doing these things, but I suddenly realized grandma would have been about the age of my daughter at the time when she was overseeing these reponsibilities. 

As I was driving and putting this together, I started crying.  I had always felt a sense of bonding with my grandma, a sense that I was following in her footsteps and a joy of knowing that she would have been proud of me for ministering to her daughter every week, but in that moment, I just felt completely humbled.  My grandma was more of a woman than I will ever be and her daughter was more of a woman than I will ever be and I am just blessed to be a part of their inheritance.

I always thought of inheritance in different terms.  More of the dividing of property and assets, but in that moment I started thinking of inheritance as more of a soul blessing than tangible blessings.  I celebrated my soul blessings.  It had been a hard day, but my soul was full.  I was happy and it wasn’t because of anything tangible.  

Psalm 16: 5 & 6  Lord, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure.  The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance.

I am thankful for the inheritance of Godly women who modeled for me the path that leads to true joy.

Losses

I just got back from breakfast with a friend who shared with me her struggle to understand a situation that involved a pretty serious betrayal of one Christian to another.   My husband had coffee with a man earlier this week who was trying to process a situation involving another Christian leader who failed morally and betrayed many people.

This week on Facebook I learned of the death of David Wilkerson, founder of Teen Challenge, and also of Bev Corbett, missionary with Health Care Ministries.  I also learned of the death of a young lady who was the daughter of a strong Christian couple who were kind to us in one of our former pastorates.  She was killed in a car accident.

These things were running through my mind as I was driving home from the restaurant and listening to the WIND FM (my favorite radio station).  Francesca Battistelli was singing about the "stuff that gets under my skin"—I love Francesca, her songs always make me smile and lift my spirit, but my thoughts were what if the stuff that’s getting to you isn’t just losing your cell phone and keys?  What if the stuff is the upcoming birthday of your child who committed suicide, your friend who is going through three years of chemotherapy, another friend who has a fast-growing mass on his pancreas, the many people who are suffering losses from the severe storms that hit the south, the recent deaths of Christian leaders and a possible future leader?  What about the stuff that doesn’t just get under our skin, but pierces our soul?

My Bible reading yesterday was in Joshua.  I started in chapter 1 with God saying, “Moses my servant is dead.  Now then, you and all these people, get ready to cross the Jordan River into the land I am about to give to them—to the Israelites” Joshua 1:2.  That sounded a little heartless to me, so I checked it out to see how long it had been since Moses had died before God put His people back to work.  I found in Deuteronomy 34:8 that they mourned for thirty days.

THIRTY DAYS—I was still trying to use up and clean out food that had been brought in by friends and we were still receiving oodles of sympathy cards in the mail thirty days after Philip’s death.  The grief process was just starting after thirty days, yet God was getting Joshua ready to go to battle.  Why would God be so hard-hearted?  Then I read on and realized that there was a promise to be fulfilled—the promise given to Moses and their forefathers.  

God used words suggesting Joshua be strong and courageous, to not be terrified or discouraged.  He promised to never leave or forsake Joshua and He promised that He would be with him wherever he went.  He told him to obey the Book of the Law and meditate on it day and night. 

There is a promise.  There is a God who promises to never leave or forsake us and there is a God who wants us to be strong and courageous.  That doesn’t mean we don’t grieve, but we don’t grieve as those who don’t have the hope of a promise.  We grieve as a people of faith in our joys and sorrows, our frustrations and shattered dreams, in our betrayals and rejections, and in our various losses whether it is loss by death or just the loss of our keys.

Severe Weather

Yesterday we drove my mother in law, Barbara, to the airport in Little Rock, Arkansas, so she could fly to Utah to visit her daughter and her daughter’s family.  We drove to Little Rock because my husband, the Scottish man that he is, found a really good price on her ticket and decided it would be nice for us to see new, scenic territory.  It was scenic and the sun was shining all the way to Little Rock and even after we got there, but once we dropped Barbara off, the rains started.

We drove to Conway, Arkansas, and decided to explore this sweet little Arkansas town, we did a little shopping and while we were in one quaint little shop, the salesgirl came up to us and said, "you can continue shopping, but we are going to lock the doors because the owner called and said there are tornado warnings out".  We left the store immediately and sat in the car listening to the emergency broadcasting system tone followed by a listing of the counties under severe weather warnings—including tornadoes—then decided to make a run for it and get ahead of the weather.  I don’t know if that was the smartest decision the two of us ever made, but it was exciting.

We weren’t that familiar with Arkansas and didn’t have an atlas, so we depended on my limited ability to view where we were on the GPS which never showed the little towns being listed nor any counties—at least I wasn’t able to view them with my limited technical abilities with these advanced gadgets.  So we blindly raced in torrential rain to get what we believed to be “ahead of the storm”.

We were not in my car with the broken passenger-side windshield wiper, so I was able to sit on the end of my seat and assist my husband as he strained to drive at speeds that we will not mention for fear there might be an Arkansas State Patrol reading my blog.  I looked in the sky for “twisters” that might be forming and strained to read the signs of the little towns and counties that we were in so we could compare where we were with the listings that kept coming over the radio.

We stopped to get gas and while we were there, the hail came, so we waited it out under the shelter of the gas pumps.  Cars and trucks pulled in to find shelter there also and we all waited while listening intently to the radio to see if we should seek shelter from a tornado, but when the hailed stopped, we decided again to make a dash to get “ahead of the storms”. 

We had no sooner left the gas station when it started hailing again, but not as heavy.  I was praying and straining to read signs and Phil was driving like a race car driver, (an inexperienced race-car driver) and we got “ahead of the storm”. We listened closely to the radio and tried to identify any counties or areas they were advising people to take shelter, but we didn’t have a clue what county we were in and had limited knowledge of where the areas were that were under tornado threats.   

As we drove, I would find signs that identified what county we were in and we realized that the county we were in was not a county being listed on the radio.  Every so often, there would be a break in the weather and we could relax and view the beautiful waterfalls coming down from the bluffs beside the road, the waterfalls were the result of water-soaked ground not being able to absorb the moisture and severe flooding, but they were still pretty.

As we became more aware of where we were in relationship to the storms all around us, I looked at Phil and said—the storms have been to the east, west and south of us this whole trip, Phil nodded and I think we both had a sense that we had been protected.  It had been a pretty intense two-hour drive, but what an adventure.  I felt like Helen Hunt and that other duded in the movie about storm chasers, only we were running away from the storms instead of into them.  I have a whole new appreciation for storm chasers and will pray for their safety whenever I hear of threats of severe weather from now on.

When we made it out of the line of severe storms, lightning was flashing from one end of the sky to the other—it was amazing.  I thought of that song that talked about God lighting up the sky to show that He was with me, so today I looked up the lyrics and wanted to share them with you.  The song is by a group called “The Afters” and the title is “You Light Up the Sky”.

When I'm feeling all alone
With so far to go
The signs are no where on this road
Guiding me home
When the night is closing in
Is falling on my skin
Oh God will You come close?

Light,  light, light up the sky
You light up the sky to show me You are with me
I can't deny
No, I can't deny that You are right here with me
You've opened my eyes
So I can see You all around me
Light, light, light up the sky
You light up the sky to show me
That You are with me

When stars are hiding in the clouds
I don't feel them shining
When I can't see You beyond my doubt
The silver lining
When I've almost reached the end
Like a flood You're rushing in
Your love is rushing in

So I run straight into Your arms
You're the bright and morning sun
To show Your love there's nothing You won't do

I know you skeptics out there are thinking that it was just a coincidence that we drove right down the middle of a severe storm pattern and the tornados were all around us but not in the counties we were in when we were in them, but I got my mother in law a mug that has a quote by Albert Einstein that says, “There are two ways to live your life…One is as though nothing is a miracle, the other as though everything is a miracle”.

Today I choose to believe that God watched over Phil and me and kept us safe last night and although there may be more severe weather, I know He will light up my sky.

Noah Built an Arky, Arky

We’ve had a lot of rain and flooding and I’ve been reading a lot of statuses about building an ark and I ‘m thinking that I could probably build one with all the building materials in my basement from unfinished home projects.  I don’t know if I have any gopher barky though.  I might have to make a trip to Lowe’s to pick some of that up.  I know for sure that there’s a bunch of pitch at church because we have THREE flat-roofed buildings and my husband is always patching them and ruining his clothes.

So—I decided to read the story of Noah.  The Lord was grieved that he had made man on the earth, and his heart was filled with pain.  But Noah found favor in the eyes of the Lord.  So God gave Noah instructions to build an ark and verse 22 of Genesis 6 says, “Noah did everything just as God commanded him”.  No questions, no tweaking, no complaining. 

That was a HUGE task—not only building the ark, but packing the food to meet the dietary needs of all the various animals not to mention all the cleaning supplies it would require—I’m talking gallons of Lysol and Febreeze.  I have trouble just packing for a weekend camping trip with my family and one dog. But Noah did all the Lord commanded him to do—it says it two times, Genesis 6:22 and 7:5.  I’m pretty sure Noah had to put in a lot of twelve hour days to get all that done.

What an amazing story and what a great display of faith by Noah, but just a couple of chapters away we find Noah drunk laying “uncovered” inside his tent.  When he comes out of it, he starts barking curses on his grandson, Canaan, because Canaan’s dad, Ham, wasn’t discreet enough in the way he handled finding his dad in his questionable state and blessing Shem and Japheth for handling the situation appropriately.  

I think it odd that Noah didn’t take responsibility for his behavior in overindulging in his homemade wine and failing to keep his robe on, but got nasty mad at his son for not handling the situation right.  Sometimes I scratch my head at these heroes in the hall of faith in Hebrews 10, but then I am acutely aware that I do the same things in different ways.  I fly high in my faith one day and crash drastically the next—sometimes I do it in the same day just like them.

I’m pretty sure there’s more to this story of Noah than I can understand with my limited education in Old Testament Theology, but I think even if I have all the info here, Noah still doesn’t come out as a knight in shining armor.  I’m also sure that if this were my family story and I were writing Genesis, I would probably opt to leave this skeleton in the closet, but I’m so glad the authors of the Bible chose to share both the great moments of faith along with embarrassing moments of weakness in many key characters of faith.

Yesterday, one of my friends posted on her blog that she had a temper tantrum on Easter Sunday.  She shared how she faced a sink full of dirty dishes with a broken dishwasher, the oven catching fire and burning out the heating element, and her computer acting up.  In the midst of the house falling apart, she was aware of how blessed she was to have her two healthy boys sleeping soundly in their clean beds, to have a mother who prepared a great Easter meal for her entire family and that all of them could be there, she expressed how blessed she was to have a hard-working husband, but she still succumbed to despair and with candor described her tantrum.

I was laughing and feeling very humbled by her willingness to share so transparently her episode.  I was laughing because I had also had a temper tantrum the day before Easter with similar things happening to me, but I didn’t write about them on MY blog.  I shared “spiritual” stuff.  But come on—aren’t our struggles “spiritual” stuff?  Don’t we all struggle to some capacity and isn’t God’s grace amazing and doesn’t it make us so aware of how much we needed Jesus, the greatest hero who didn’t have any skeletons in His closet, to be our Savior?

I wish the Christian community could be more like the Bible where we share our testimonies of great things and also share honestly about our mistakes and the sin we struggle with.  I haven’t heard too many stories like this one about Noah during testimony time at church, and I think I would feel uncomfortable if I did, but maybe in appropriate settings with intimate sojourners in the faith, we should be transparent.

James 5:16:  Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.

My intercessions are usually not filled with prayers for people’s faults that they have asked me to pray about.  I pray for friends with cancer and financial troubles, relational problems and soul wounds, but to pray for each other’s faults as diligently as we pray for cancer, might be a good thing.  I guess first we need to confess them—you go first.