Yesterday I was in a conversation and sensed that
there were words of wisdom concerning a certain fear that if I could impart truths
that I had learned from personal experience as I had I grappled with my own
bondage to this type of fear and had struggled to reach a place of freedom from
it clutches, I would be able to help this person find release; but I knew in my
heart that if I shared, I would be met with resistance, so I refrained from
sharing.
Today I began reading in my Lenten book that I
picked up yesterday at church. I read
the first devotion--my Ash Wednesday meditation. I know that it is not yet Ash Wednesday, even
though I am Pentecostal, I know that Ash Wednesday is on Wednesday—not Monday,
but I am snowed in and hungry for a good meditation. The Lenten book is by
Henri J.M. Nouwen, and is entitled, God’s Abiding Love. The first line said, “In prayer we seek God’s
voice and allow God’s word to penetrate our fear and resistance so that we can
begin to hear what God wants us to know”.
You see when we fail to deal with our fears and
resist what God wants us to see and learn from the truth that He is revealing
to us, we will be unable to hear what He wants us to know. God will not share truth with us when He
knows we are going to resist it. He does
not throw His pearls before us if it will only cause us to choke. I am hungry for the pearls of truth and fresh
revelations that God wants to share with me, so my intimacy with Him will be
greater, so I am motivated to deal with my fears and stubborn resistance in
order to partake in deeper fellowship with Him.
If I can understand that by His grace and love, I
can look into the scary mirror of my soul and see that my imperfections are
covered by the blood of Jesus, then acknowledging my flaws doesn’t have to
create insecurity, even when I am confronted with them in a way that makes me
uncomfortable and I can begin to grow in faith.
His “grace my fears relieve”.
I don’t want God to withhold special revelations of
Himself to me because He will be met with resistance—Lord, humble me, help me
submit to You as my loving and gracious Lord, fully trusting in You to order
the affairs of my life. May I love You
more than anything and trust You with everything.
