Losses

I just got back from breakfast with a friend who shared with me her struggle to understand a situation that involved a pretty serious betrayal of one Christian to another.   My husband had coffee with a man earlier this week who was trying to process a situation involving another Christian leader who failed morally and betrayed many people.

This week on Facebook I learned of the death of David Wilkerson, founder of Teen Challenge, and also of Bev Corbett, missionary with Health Care Ministries.  I also learned of the death of a young lady who was the daughter of a strong Christian couple who were kind to us in one of our former pastorates.  She was killed in a car accident.

These things were running through my mind as I was driving home from the restaurant and listening to the WIND FM (my favorite radio station).  Francesca Battistelli was singing about the "stuff that gets under my skin"—I love Francesca, her songs always make me smile and lift my spirit, but my thoughts were what if the stuff that’s getting to you isn’t just losing your cell phone and keys?  What if the stuff is the upcoming birthday of your child who committed suicide, your friend who is going through three years of chemotherapy, another friend who has a fast-growing mass on his pancreas, the many people who are suffering losses from the severe storms that hit the south, the recent deaths of Christian leaders and a possible future leader?  What about the stuff that doesn’t just get under our skin, but pierces our soul?

My Bible reading yesterday was in Joshua.  I started in chapter 1 with God saying, “Moses my servant is dead.  Now then, you and all these people, get ready to cross the Jordan River into the land I am about to give to them—to the Israelites” Joshua 1:2.  That sounded a little heartless to me, so I checked it out to see how long it had been since Moses had died before God put His people back to work.  I found in Deuteronomy 34:8 that they mourned for thirty days.

THIRTY DAYS—I was still trying to use up and clean out food that had been brought in by friends and we were still receiving oodles of sympathy cards in the mail thirty days after Philip’s death.  The grief process was just starting after thirty days, yet God was getting Joshua ready to go to battle.  Why would God be so hard-hearted?  Then I read on and realized that there was a promise to be fulfilled—the promise given to Moses and their forefathers.  

God used words suggesting Joshua be strong and courageous, to not be terrified or discouraged.  He promised to never leave or forsake Joshua and He promised that He would be with him wherever he went.  He told him to obey the Book of the Law and meditate on it day and night. 

There is a promise.  There is a God who promises to never leave or forsake us and there is a God who wants us to be strong and courageous.  That doesn’t mean we don’t grieve, but we don’t grieve as those who don’t have the hope of a promise.  We grieve as a people of faith in our joys and sorrows, our frustrations and shattered dreams, in our betrayals and rejections, and in our various losses whether it is loss by death or just the loss of our keys.

Severe Weather

Yesterday we drove my mother in law, Barbara, to the airport in Little Rock, Arkansas, so she could fly to Utah to visit her daughter and her daughter’s family.  We drove to Little Rock because my husband, the Scottish man that he is, found a really good price on her ticket and decided it would be nice for us to see new, scenic territory.  It was scenic and the sun was shining all the way to Little Rock and even after we got there, but once we dropped Barbara off, the rains started.

We drove to Conway, Arkansas, and decided to explore this sweet little Arkansas town, we did a little shopping and while we were in one quaint little shop, the salesgirl came up to us and said, "you can continue shopping, but we are going to lock the doors because the owner called and said there are tornado warnings out".  We left the store immediately and sat in the car listening to the emergency broadcasting system tone followed by a listing of the counties under severe weather warnings—including tornadoes—then decided to make a run for it and get ahead of the weather.  I don’t know if that was the smartest decision the two of us ever made, but it was exciting.

We weren’t that familiar with Arkansas and didn’t have an atlas, so we depended on my limited ability to view where we were on the GPS which never showed the little towns being listed nor any counties—at least I wasn’t able to view them with my limited technical abilities with these advanced gadgets.  So we blindly raced in torrential rain to get what we believed to be “ahead of the storm”.

We were not in my car with the broken passenger-side windshield wiper, so I was able to sit on the end of my seat and assist my husband as he strained to drive at speeds that we will not mention for fear there might be an Arkansas State Patrol reading my blog.  I looked in the sky for “twisters” that might be forming and strained to read the signs of the little towns and counties that we were in so we could compare where we were with the listings that kept coming over the radio.

We stopped to get gas and while we were there, the hail came, so we waited it out under the shelter of the gas pumps.  Cars and trucks pulled in to find shelter there also and we all waited while listening intently to the radio to see if we should seek shelter from a tornado, but when the hailed stopped, we decided again to make a dash to get “ahead of the storms”. 

We had no sooner left the gas station when it started hailing again, but not as heavy.  I was praying and straining to read signs and Phil was driving like a race car driver, (an inexperienced race-car driver) and we got “ahead of the storm”. We listened closely to the radio and tried to identify any counties or areas they were advising people to take shelter, but we didn’t have a clue what county we were in and had limited knowledge of where the areas were that were under tornado threats.   

As we drove, I would find signs that identified what county we were in and we realized that the county we were in was not a county being listed on the radio.  Every so often, there would be a break in the weather and we could relax and view the beautiful waterfalls coming down from the bluffs beside the road, the waterfalls were the result of water-soaked ground not being able to absorb the moisture and severe flooding, but they were still pretty.

As we became more aware of where we were in relationship to the storms all around us, I looked at Phil and said—the storms have been to the east, west and south of us this whole trip, Phil nodded and I think we both had a sense that we had been protected.  It had been a pretty intense two-hour drive, but what an adventure.  I felt like Helen Hunt and that other duded in the movie about storm chasers, only we were running away from the storms instead of into them.  I have a whole new appreciation for storm chasers and will pray for their safety whenever I hear of threats of severe weather from now on.

When we made it out of the line of severe storms, lightning was flashing from one end of the sky to the other—it was amazing.  I thought of that song that talked about God lighting up the sky to show that He was with me, so today I looked up the lyrics and wanted to share them with you.  The song is by a group called “The Afters” and the title is “You Light Up the Sky”.

When I'm feeling all alone
With so far to go
The signs are no where on this road
Guiding me home
When the night is closing in
Is falling on my skin
Oh God will You come close?

Light,  light, light up the sky
You light up the sky to show me You are with me
I can't deny
No, I can't deny that You are right here with me
You've opened my eyes
So I can see You all around me
Light, light, light up the sky
You light up the sky to show me
That You are with me

When stars are hiding in the clouds
I don't feel them shining
When I can't see You beyond my doubt
The silver lining
When I've almost reached the end
Like a flood You're rushing in
Your love is rushing in

So I run straight into Your arms
You're the bright and morning sun
To show Your love there's nothing You won't do

I know you skeptics out there are thinking that it was just a coincidence that we drove right down the middle of a severe storm pattern and the tornados were all around us but not in the counties we were in when we were in them, but I got my mother in law a mug that has a quote by Albert Einstein that says, “There are two ways to live your life…One is as though nothing is a miracle, the other as though everything is a miracle”.

Today I choose to believe that God watched over Phil and me and kept us safe last night and although there may be more severe weather, I know He will light up my sky.

Noah Built an Arky, Arky

We’ve had a lot of rain and flooding and I’ve been reading a lot of statuses about building an ark and I ‘m thinking that I could probably build one with all the building materials in my basement from unfinished home projects.  I don’t know if I have any gopher barky though.  I might have to make a trip to Lowe’s to pick some of that up.  I know for sure that there’s a bunch of pitch at church because we have THREE flat-roofed buildings and my husband is always patching them and ruining his clothes.

So—I decided to read the story of Noah.  The Lord was grieved that he had made man on the earth, and his heart was filled with pain.  But Noah found favor in the eyes of the Lord.  So God gave Noah instructions to build an ark and verse 22 of Genesis 6 says, “Noah did everything just as God commanded him”.  No questions, no tweaking, no complaining. 

That was a HUGE task—not only building the ark, but packing the food to meet the dietary needs of all the various animals not to mention all the cleaning supplies it would require—I’m talking gallons of Lysol and Febreeze.  I have trouble just packing for a weekend camping trip with my family and one dog. But Noah did all the Lord commanded him to do—it says it two times, Genesis 6:22 and 7:5.  I’m pretty sure Noah had to put in a lot of twelve hour days to get all that done.

What an amazing story and what a great display of faith by Noah, but just a couple of chapters away we find Noah drunk laying “uncovered” inside his tent.  When he comes out of it, he starts barking curses on his grandson, Canaan, because Canaan’s dad, Ham, wasn’t discreet enough in the way he handled finding his dad in his questionable state and blessing Shem and Japheth for handling the situation appropriately.  

I think it odd that Noah didn’t take responsibility for his behavior in overindulging in his homemade wine and failing to keep his robe on, but got nasty mad at his son for not handling the situation right.  Sometimes I scratch my head at these heroes in the hall of faith in Hebrews 10, but then I am acutely aware that I do the same things in different ways.  I fly high in my faith one day and crash drastically the next—sometimes I do it in the same day just like them.

I’m pretty sure there’s more to this story of Noah than I can understand with my limited education in Old Testament Theology, but I think even if I have all the info here, Noah still doesn’t come out as a knight in shining armor.  I’m also sure that if this were my family story and I were writing Genesis, I would probably opt to leave this skeleton in the closet, but I’m so glad the authors of the Bible chose to share both the great moments of faith along with embarrassing moments of weakness in many key characters of faith.

Yesterday, one of my friends posted on her blog that she had a temper tantrum on Easter Sunday.  She shared how she faced a sink full of dirty dishes with a broken dishwasher, the oven catching fire and burning out the heating element, and her computer acting up.  In the midst of the house falling apart, she was aware of how blessed she was to have her two healthy boys sleeping soundly in their clean beds, to have a mother who prepared a great Easter meal for her entire family and that all of them could be there, she expressed how blessed she was to have a hard-working husband, but she still succumbed to despair and with candor described her tantrum.

I was laughing and feeling very humbled by her willingness to share so transparently her episode.  I was laughing because I had also had a temper tantrum the day before Easter with similar things happening to me, but I didn’t write about them on MY blog.  I shared “spiritual” stuff.  But come on—aren’t our struggles “spiritual” stuff?  Don’t we all struggle to some capacity and isn’t God’s grace amazing and doesn’t it make us so aware of how much we needed Jesus, the greatest hero who didn’t have any skeletons in His closet, to be our Savior?

I wish the Christian community could be more like the Bible where we share our testimonies of great things and also share honestly about our mistakes and the sin we struggle with.  I haven’t heard too many stories like this one about Noah during testimony time at church, and I think I would feel uncomfortable if I did, but maybe in appropriate settings with intimate sojourners in the faith, we should be transparent.

James 5:16:  Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.

My intercessions are usually not filled with prayers for people’s faults that they have asked me to pray about.  I pray for friends with cancer and financial troubles, relational problems and soul wounds, but to pray for each other’s faults as diligently as we pray for cancer, might be a good thing.  I guess first we need to confess them—you go first.

Fishtailing

The windshield wiper on the passenger side of my car is broken.  We have taken it in to have it fixed three times and it works a while then breaks again.  I hate it because in heavy storms when Phil is driving, I can’t help him and I know that he needs my help.  I hate that feeling of being out of control. 

Today on facebook Corey, one of the teens in our church, wrote that he fishtailed around a corner while driving his brother’s truck and he found it to be exciting.  I wish that I found such adventures exciting, but I am 50(+) and being out of control is not exciting anymore.  I think Corey is a little like God, a lover of adventure, and I am the passenger without a windshield wiper trying to trust in Him to maneuver me safely.

It’s hard to trust in God when my life is fishtailing around corners and my stomach is in my throat.  I wish there were three simple rules to follow to deal with such situations.  I wish God would take a driving test and drive safely like me, sometimes I wonder if He has read the rules.  I wish that faith was easy. 

Sometimes when I look at the difficulties that God has asked me to walk through I want to say—“wait, you have the wrong girl—I’m not the strong and adventurous type”, but maybe God sees something I don’t see in me and maybe He sees something in you.  Maybe He sees something special in our souls that He knows He can refine and beautify in a way that will bring glory to Him that only our unique crisis can do.

Isaiah 25:4 & 5

            You have been a refuge for the poor, a refuge for the needy in his distress, a shelter from the storm and a shade from the heat.  For the breath of the ruthless is like a storm driving against a wall and like the heat of the desert.  You silence the uproar of foreigners; as heat is reduced by the shadow of a cloud, so the song of the ruthless is stilled.

I hope that you find refuge and faith in your storms when visibility of what God is doing is very limited.  I pray you find shade in distress when you are melting from the heat of your difficult situations and I pray God receives glory in all of our faith-challenging, “real life” hurdles.

Easter

I know that today is not Easter, but tomorrow I will busy being “Martha” taking care of details, so I am going to set aside today as my day to worship my risen Lord and think about the glory of His resurrection.

I have read the resurrection story so many times, but this time I found a couple of things exciting about the resurrection and a couple of humorous things.  Since this is a joyous occasion, I hope it will be okay if I just mention the things that strike me as funny.

The first thing that is humorous to me is that I see how much my son-in-law, Justin, is like Jesus.  In John 20, verse 7, John points out that the burial cloth that covered Jesus head was folded.  That is just what Justin would have done. I am not certain just who folded this linen cloth, but I am going to presume that it was Jesus and this shows me that Jesus and Justin have something in common. They are neat.  (I’m just kidding, Justin is more like Jesus than just being neat.)  It's kind of endearing to me to think of Jesus coming to life and then getting up and folding the linen that covered His head.

Really though—of all the information that I am concerned about in this story and all my unanswered questions, the fact that this piece of information gets written in scripture leaves me wondering.  I am sure there is some deep theological reason or fulfillment of some prophecy for the inclusion of this tidbit of info, but for just the average student of God's Word, it strikes me as strange that these details have been recorded in this amazing story.  John must have been a person who paid attention to detail, like a crime scene investigator.

My second funny thought is that Mary, confused, believes Jesus to be the gardener and says, “Sir, if you have carried Him away, tell me where you have put Him and I will get Him”.  Did Mary think that she was going to carry Jesus body by herself? That is just like a person in grief to be nonsensical in their thinking.  I have been there and know how it works. This particular scene causes me to feel a sense of kindred spirit with Mary as I read her statement.

But seriously, I can’t even imagine the thrill of experiencing the revelation that the deepest grief you have ever experienced is immediately turned to joy as you realize that person that you believed to be dead is alive.  The horror of the crucifixion is assuaged as she sees Jesus restored.

One other particularly striking thing to me is that John 20:9 says, “They (the disciples) still did not understand from Scripture that Jesus had to rise from the dead”.  Sometimes I feel pretty slow to catch on to things that God is trying to teach me, but I am in good company the disciples were there too.  Somehow knowing that they also struggled to understand makes me feel normal.

This is a great journey—confusing, sorrowful, faith-challenging, joyous, and exciting journey.  I love Easter!  I love the power of God that raised Jesus from the dead, I love Jesus and I love that He is so patient with all of us as we struggle to comprehend what is just unfathomable.

Black Friday

Today is Good Friday, but I prefer to think of it as Black Friday.  We remember Jesus’ death.  It is humbling to think about Jesus dying for us, that our sin made it necessary for Him to suffer, but it is also a time to realize how great God’s love is for humanity.  

We have the ability to step back from the situation and view His death with understanding and also a foreknowledge of His resurrection, but the disciples and Mary, Jesus’ mother, didn’t have this.  When Mary stood at the cross and observed Jesus’ cruel death and listened as Jesus released power of attorney of her life to His disciple, John, she didn’t have the insight we have.  

Mary has always fascinated me.  Her Jewish life was flipped upside down and her faith was rattled to the core.   When she said, “may it be to me as you have said”, to the angel announcing that she would be the mother of the Messiah, I don’t think the cross was what she signed up for.  When she and Joseph went to their son’s baby dedication and Simeon said a sword would pierce Mary’s soul, I don’t think this was the sword that Mary understood.

Jesus rocked his follower’s world.  He rocked His family’s world.  Some scholars believe that when Mary and Jesus’ brothers came to see Jesus in Mark chapter 3, they were going to try to discourage Him from His radical teaching and the fact that Mary was at the cross alone and being turned over to John to oversee her care, shows that probably Jesus’ brothers deserted His teaching and remained in their comfortable belief system.

Mary was not only losing Jesus, but when she abandoned her former religious system it probably cost her the relationships she had with her other sons.  Jesus later appeared to his brother, James, in 1 Corinthians 15 and James became a follower because we see him in the upper room and as a leader of the church in Jerusalem, but at that moment at the cross, Mary must have felt very hopeless and alone.

The disciples scattered, their sense of comradeship was sunk, plans for a bright future caved in and it was a dark time.  Their faith was severely tested and none of them aced the test except maybe John and most failed the test miserably.   So to add to their grief of the loss of Jesus, there is the shame of their own personal weakness.

But that was not the end of the story and Jesus knew it—in the midst of all the chaos and grief, shame, guilt, and fear and all the other emotions associated with loss of someone dearly loved, Jesus knew what was coming.  He knew there would be a resurrection.  He suffered and died for the weakness of humanity, but that was not the end of the story.

Passover

It’s Maundy Thursday and in the past we have celebrated this day by participating in a Passover meal, but this year due to conflicts in our schedule, we are not able to host the meal.  It is the first time in several years I have not been busy with preparations for the celebration, but my thoughts are flowing to elements on the Seder plate and remembering Jesus partaking in the celebration with His disciples before going into the Garden to pray.

I feel amazed that Jesus “eagerly desired” to celebrate this meal with his disciples.  First of all, Jesus knew what was coming and He was still able to celebrate.  What a valuable characteristic to have.  When I have had something bad happen to me or have knowledge of a forthcoming crisis, the last thing I want to do is celebrate.  I believe this is a quality of faith to be able to celebrate the good things that God does despite what is looming in my future or right in front of my face.

The fact that He was going to have to address Judas’ betrayal and Peter’s denial would make me want to just not attend.  I would rather withdraw in privacy than have to deal with conflict on the night before I was going to be arrested.  Jesus amazes me—I am constantly aware of how much I am not like Him.  I am becoming more and more like Him, yet still so far away.

As the disciples looked at the items on the Seder plate—the salt water reflecting the tears of the Israelites while in Egypt, the bitter herbs reminding them of the bitterness of soul the people suffered in Egypt, the charoset symbolic of the mortar placed between the matzo bread representing the hard labor of the Israelites to make structures under Egyptian taskmasters, the lamb shank bone representing the lambs killed to sprinkle blood on the door frames of the Israelites home to spare them from the last plague of death of the firstborn son, the green vegetables representing rejuvenation and the roasted egg representing new birth, the wine and the matzo which Jesus took and gave new meaning, maybe they were only viewing the symbols through the lens they had always viewed them and weren’t prepared to hear what Jesus was going to teach them further in the meal about what was to come.

Sometimes my religious background can be a stumbling block to the fresh insight that the Holy Spirit wants to give me.  Much like the disciples partaking in a tradition with religious significance, but missing the meaning that Jesus was trying to give to the symbols.  I hope that I can have eyes of faith to be able to see the fresh revelations that God wants to teach me even in the commonness of my life.

The disciples listened as Jesus talked and washed their feet.  They took of the bread that Jesus used to redirect its meaning to represent His body that would be broken and the wine that he said would represent His blood that would be spilled.  They listened, but they didn’t fully understand.  I used to think the disciples weren’t too bright when I see how they followed Jesus and still didn’t get what was going on, but I find myself doing the same thing all the time.

I try to hear Jesus and follow Him—to model my life after Him, but I miss the mark in so many ways.  I would like to think that He didn’t need to spill His blood for me, but I am so in need of redemption and He had to pay the price for my sin.  Maybe that’s why they couldn’t get it—it was some form of subconscious denial because it was too hard to accept that Jesus would have to suffer for their personal sin.  I don’t really know exactly what they were thinking or why they weren’t able to fully understand, but I do know that I love that their humanness is so evident in this particular story as my humanness is evident in my life’s story and Jesus loved them and returned to them as He does for me.

The other thing that is on my mind related to the celebration of Passover, is that from the time those precious babies were being thrown in to the Nile River and Moses mother placed him in a basket in that same river to protect him from being annihilated till the time Moses appeared before Pharaoh to relay God’s message, eighty years had passed.  I have had about a decade of partaking of bitterness and tears, but not eighty and the Israelites were in bondage in Egypt for 400 total years.  The Lord heard their cries, but was not in a big hurry before He stretched forth His mighty hand to bring about their deliverance.

God’s ways are a mystery to me.  Maybe because I am a softy, I have a hard time identifying with what God is doing sometimes in the Bible and also in my personal life, but that is where faith comes in.  I not only have to trust in God, I also have to trust in His timing even though He appears quite slow to me.

Read through the story of God’s deliverance of His children in the first thirteen chapters of Exodus and be amazed at Moses faith and God’s mighty hand.  Read it and seek fresh revelation from the story.  Also read in the gospels the story of Jesus celebration of Passover with His disciples today.  I hope you will find meaning and increased faith.

Facing Waves

My husband and I went to Oahu, Hawaii, in November this year for our 30^th anniversary.  We were not aware that November is the month Van’s Triple Crown holds its surf competition on the North Shore of Oahu close to where we were staying.  It was exciting to watch all kinds of surfers riding the huge November waves off the north shore.  We watched surfers on the beaches who were the best in the world and some just pretty good catching the great November waves.  Not many beginner surfers started learning to surf when the waves were the size they are in November—only the really adventurous or stupid.

As we sat on bleachers and watched some of the competition in Haleiwa and I looked out at those waves, I thought, I’ve had some big, honking November north shore Hawaii waves in my life.  Most of the time instead of surfing them I found myself with my nose in the sand of hopelessness, but I’m still up and attempting to learn to ride them well—or at least better.  Not because I’m adventurous or stupid—I just don't want to drown.

This week is Holy Week, yesterday was Palm Sunday and we reflected on Jesus ride through Jerusalem on the back of a young donkey.  People were waving palm branches and laying down their cloaks, fulfilling prophecy.  It was exciting.  I wonder if some of those same people who were waving the palms later found their noses rubbed into hopelessness as they watched while Jesus was crucified.

As Jesus celebrated Passover with His disciples, it was clouded with the ominous knowledge of events to come.  On this holiday that held many happy memories of previously celebrated traditions for Jesus, He now prepared to celebrate His last supper with the people in whom He had the most hope.  People who were going to betray Him and deny Him; yet he washed their feet and prepared them for things to come in a very visual and meaningful way.  It was hard for the disciples to believe that they could let Jesus down, but they hadn’t yet met the wave and looked into its face.

Then there is the Garden scene where Jesus asks His followers to pray, but they can’t stay awake.   Jesus doesn’t even ask them to pray for Him, but pray for themselves that they will not fall into temptation--the temptation of fear and hopelessness in the face of the future coming events.  Jesus was well acquainted man’s tendency to despair, not from an outside perspective, but from dealing with His own humanity.

I tried to watch the Passion of Christ last night and couldn’t do it.  I recorded it to watch in segments because it overwhelms me to watch the whole thing at one time.  Yet, Jesus’ mother stood at the cross along with other women who stared right into the face of the wave watching what I can’t even bear to see reenacted.  The sword Simeon had told Mary about had pierced her soul, but she stood facing the wave head on.  No wonder God had chosen her to be the mother of the Messiah—she was a true woman of faith.

And then the best part of the story--the resurrection, even here we find fear and hopelessness and Jesus invades.   The women go to the tomb and can’t find Jesus.   The women “ran” and told Peter and John and they ”ran” to the tomb.  There is running and crying.  I would say it’s because it is women, but there are men involved here too.  

Even after seeing the empty tomb and believing, there was a lack of understanding and just a few verses down, there are the disciples together with locked doors out of “fear” of the Jews when Jesus invades and says, “Peace”.  Jesus doesn’t scold or say, I was trying to tell you, but you didn’t get it, or where’s your faith?  He accepts them in their weakness and offers them the Holy Spirit.

I am probably never going to learn to surf real Hawaii waves, but I do hope to improve in my surfing the waves that come into my life.  I am glad that I have examples of Bible characters who learned to surf too.  I feel a little more normal when I’m smashed into the sand.  I’m also glad that Jesus is interceding for me and I know that I can trust in His power—the power that raised Him from the dead and I know that He loves me enough to face the cross and bear the sin of man for me.  I am glad He is patient and bears with me in my weakness and offers me the gift of the Holy Spirit to assist me in my endeavors to surf my waves.

God, teach me to trust in you particularly  this week as I look at the beautiful story of Jesus crucifixion and the events leading to his death and resurrection, speak to me truth that will increase my faith and help me during times of confusion and fear to hear you speak “peace” into my soul.

Vision Correction

I remember the first time I put on a pair of reading glasses.  We were traveling at night and my husband, Phil, asked me to look at the map to give him some guidance.  I tried to read the map under the dim lights that were on the rearview mirror and in my frustration at not being able to see, I grabbed up the reading glasses Phil relied on.  Suddenly the words that I thought were not visible to the human eye became clear.  The harsh reality was that the letters being small was not the problem; the way my 40-something eyes saw the letters, however, was a problem.

 I was hooked on reading glasses.  I went through the vacation with reading glasses on my head, glasses for nearsightedness on my nose and a pair of sunglasses on my nose over the glasses for my nearsightedness.  I juggled three pairs of glasses through the whole trip and became painfully aware that I had a problem.

I not only had a visual problem, I also discovered a slight pride problem.  When we would enter a town or city or stop for whatever reason, I would take all the glasses off except the sunglasses and pretend that I was cool and not needy in the area of visual correction. 

What might happen if we would just swallow our pride and acknowledge that our view of God could use some correction instead of walking around with spiritual sunglasses looking cool and pretending we can navigate our way through life just fine?   Reaching a place where we begin to recognize that our vision of the greatness of God is blurry creates an opportunity for God to begin the correction process from the cloudiness in our thinking that causes us to stumble in our faith.

Without faith it is impossible to please God, yet many times when I go through life and face struggles, difficult circumstances, grief, and spiritual and relational challenges, I have 20/20 fear vision and my understanding of the greatness of God and what He is capable of doing in every situation of my life is fuzzy.   My faith needs a visual correction to be able to see the possibilities of what God can do in all of my alarming circumstances. 

My fears will become blurry as my faith in the awesome power of God becomes clearer.  As I begin to know Him in His love and begin to understand His wisdom and greatness, I can release my concerns to Him and rest in His ability to take care of me. 

There are times in life when believing in the love of God is by sheer faith.  Sometimes God doesn’t act the way I think He should—He doesn’t act as fast as I think He should.  It is hard to reconcile Him having the power to order my circumstances in a way that would be more comfortable, yet choosing to let me walk through pain.  At these times, loving Him is challenging and believing in His love for me is only by faith. 

It takes faith to believe in God’s love when He isn’t working out the plans for our life in a way that looks “good” to us.  It is hard to believe in His goodness and love when we are abused by people who should be showing love to us—it takes faith to believe in Him at these times.  It is hard to believe in His provision when our resources are slim and not enough—it takes faith to believe He is providing a better plan than just a balanced budget.  It is hard to believe He is powerful to heal when we have been diagnosed with cancer—it takes faith to believe He is healing in ways besides just the cancer.

The combination of God's awesome power, wisdom and faithfulness plus the addition of His incredible love provide the safety net for me to trust in His ability to be in control of my life.  It takes both the ability to see God’s greatness and to trust in His love when He is working in ways that can be confusing to my view.

Lord, give me a visual correction in my ability to see you for who You are in Your greatness and power and to see You as the true lover of my soul and able to make me more in the image of Jesus in every situation.  Help me not to doubt Your love for me as you work out a greater plan for me—a “soul” plan, a plan to increase my faith.