Condemnation

Today as I was on a morning walk, I was rejoicing and offering up gratitude to God and I expressed to Him that I would be "glad" and rejoice in the day that He had made.  It occurred to me that on my walk just two days prior, I had been in a completely different state of mind--my expressions were a far cry from being glad.

My thoughts on my walk two days ago, were centered on a negative encounter I had that morning which caused every other negative encounter that I had experienced in the past two years to surface and being glad wasn't a possibility. My thoughts were full of self-condemning thoughts and every fault I had became enormously exaggerated.  I was wearing sunglasses though it was cloudy to hide the tears that were running down my face and I offered up expressions of shame and remorse to God, reverently questioning how He was involving Himself in my situation. 

This morning, I as I reflected on the idea of being glad, I was struck with how volatile my conversations were with God.  I want to stand in awe of Him and let my words be few, but sometimes I jabber on with nonsense, wallow in self-pity and condemnation and squelch His love and grace.  I thought of David and how blessed I am when I read the Psalms and yet juxtapose to those amazing chapters of reflections of praise, are the ones of condemnation and self pity.

God is a big God.  He adores my expressions of love and gratitude and when I offer up to Him my sacrifices of praise, but He is also big enough to handle my questions that I reverently pose to Him as I muddle through the mire of life.  I can rest in His unfailing mercies and love--they are new every morning and His "steadfast" love never ceases.

God, I thank you that You love it when I am glad and yet you love me when I am struggling with condemnation.  I am grateful that through the power of Your Holy Spirit, You bring me through the  times when my accuser attempts to condemn and oppress me, through the times when I am filled with doubt regarding my worth to a new place of victory with a fresh revelation of You and Your great love for me!  I am amazed by You..